An Ode to Thanksgiving

I flipped the calendar,
quite surprised to see,
that November had arrived,
it snuck up so stealthily!
Time for the ultimate feast,
gathering friends and family,
Making a giant shopping list,
for turkey and jellied cranberry.
(I'm kidding about the last,
no one here will eat it,
red, gelatinous, gloopy goo,
has never been a big hit!)
I hit the stores in search of,
the biggest turkey I can find,
how many people am I feeding?
Well, just me and the family of mine.
Okay, sure, it's a bit much,
we'll be eating turkey leftovers for days,
but it only comes once a year dammit,
so eat it til your eyes start to glaze!
(And like it!)
Checking my list, twice like I'm Claus,
Gotta get stuffing, rolls, and potatoes,
Don't forget the gravy fixings,
My plate needs to be a river that flows,
Over the mashed potato mountain,
then through the stuffing valley,
resting on piles of perfect turkey,
until my plate's having a pep rally!
Now shopping's done and turkey's thawing,
the days go by too slow,
until finally it's Thanksgiving morning,
and our excitement starts to grow.
Set the alarm to get the bird in the oven,
'cuz the largest one I truly found,
Haul the beautiful bounty over,
to the oven with barely a sound.
(If you don't count the grunts,
or the groans and the moans,
as I struggle not to drop this thing,
or ask the hubs for a strength loan!)
Make all of the desserts,
don't forget the relish tray,
Peel about 1,000 potatoes,
okay, not really, it just feels that way!
The flight of the bumblebee,
is going on in my kitchen,
get it all on the table,
without a single hitch-en.
Fifteen minutes later,
after everyone's stuffed,
on the meal that cooked 5 hours,
comes the part that's truly rough.
Clean up the kitchen,
and scrub down the dishes,
I'm a crazy woman,
my cleaning skills are vicious.
Finally it's done, time to have pie,
yay, there are more dishes,
is that a tic in my eye?
Then it's off to visit family,
to extend our good wishes,
pardon me if I fall asleep,
it must have been all those dishes!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers! Enjoy your friends, your family, and most importantly, your turkey! (For life is short and poultry's only cheap once a year!)

The Hostess With The Mostess

Every year at Christmas, my siblings and I traipse over to my parents on Christmas Eve. From there, food is eaten, presents are opened, and merry is made. Since I have the week of Christmas off this year, I offered to host the party.

Immediately after the words left my mouth I thought, "What the hell was I thinking?" Have I seen my house? The one in a perpetual state of home repairs? The one that's small and cramped? The one with four kids? I think if the baby would just start sleeping through the night, I'd get some of those lost brain cells back that are obviously affecting my decision making abilities.

Once the panic attack subsided, I considered that the amount of organization and list making required for me to pull this off is probably my Christmas gift from my parents. Seriously, I love lists that much. Sometimes when I make a TO-DO list and I've already done something, I'll add it just for the satisfaction of crossing something off. Yeah, I see all those eye rolls from you organizationally challenged people. I say you're jealous of my mad list making skills. Don't be a hater. Or if you're going to be a hater, at least make a list of people who deserve it.

There might be a slight problem with time, however, as I have not been able to find a device that will effectively lengthen my day, nor one that will just freeze time or clone myself. (Basically, all the superhero movies ever made are one big, fat LIE!) Since denial is a close friend, I choose to not acknowledge that this could be an issue. After all, how many days are there until Christmas Eve? What? Thirty eight? Holy crap, I'm in trouble. Especially since I haven't made it out of the menu planning stage. And the dust bunnies have staged a coup that I have to overthrow.

Thank God for slave labor, I mean, uh, children. Yes, that's right. Three free "apprentices" that I can put to work to ensure that the evil Dust Bunny Overlord isn't successful in his attempts to dominate my household and that I actually remember to preheat the oven so that I can cook whatever delicious meal might make it through my intense list making sessions. Three unpaid "helpers" to set the table, put together veggie platters, and chase down the baby to take the current object of his fascination out of his mouth (Because let's face it, it's always in the baby's mouth and it's always something they are not supposed to have.) and keep us from having a trip to the ER to remove a pencil eraser that magically appeared on the floor even though "no one" dropped it.

This holiday season will be crazy with a dash of fun and a touch of love. (Only a touch because there's no love in party planning dammit! Kidding. I think. I'll get back to you on whether or not that's true next month.) And if I survive the insanity that the next few weeks will be, I think someone should throw me a party. Just as long as I don't have to do any of the planning, preparation, or decorating.

Or panic and run around like a mad woman?