What's The Deal With Those Baby Clothes Anyway?

After four kids, I feel like I’m an expert on baby clothes. That’s completely justified, right? I’ve dressed 3 of them and I’m right in the middle of number 4. After all these kids and their clothes, I have a few observations to support why we should just scrap the whole idea and put them all in sleep sacks and onesies for the first five years.

POCKETS. Why? Is this necessary? Does Junior need a place to keep his wallet? Does Juniorette need a place to carry her lipstick? Nope, it’s all just to make them look like miniature grownups. Which is why we still buy them because come on, how freaking adorable are they in their little denim jeans with real working pockets and everything? But all cuteness aside, those pockets are the epitome of completely unnecessary. And if they’re unnecessary on toddler jeans (I guess conceivably they COULD use pockets), how useless are they on teeny, tiny baby’s jeans. Actually, now that I think if it, why do we even have jeans for 3 month olds? We’re going to torture them enough with vaccinations, bulb syringes (A.K.A. The Booger Sucker!) and cutesy headbands, why can’t we let them have comfortable pants. Or better yet, those one piece jobbies. And speaking of…..

THOSE ONE PIECE JOBBIES. I love these. No, you don’t understand. I loooooooove these. No socks to keep on, no worrying about matching tops and bottoms, just one piece of clothing that covers the naked squirming child. I don’t know why, but there’s just something about the one piece outfits that make me think of words like “cozy” and “comfy” and (in winter) “warm”.  Perhaps it’s just me reflecting my own loathing of pinchy, squinchy pants onto my babies, but I seriously think that we should make one piece outfits acceptable for adults to wear as office attire. Even after they graduate to the footless one piece jobbies, which aren't as good but still bring words like "lazy weekend" to mind, I think these are the penultimate in baby clothing.

LEG SNAPS. Ugh, I have a love/hate relationship with these. I remember, in my naïve youth with baby #1, when I thought these were the best thing since sliced bread. I mean, you can change the kid’s diaper without even taking his pants off. Genius. And it IS great. Until one day when they realize, ‘Hey, what are these cool things? I can move them. A lot. Especially when Mom’s changing a diaper.” And if you get a baby or toddler who is 1000% pure energy and hates diaper changes? It’s already like wrestling with a greased up octopus, let alone trying to add pants that have to snap up. I can’t be sure I wouldn’t say screw it and just let the kid walk around in his unsnapped pants-skirt. Yeah, we’re Scottish. As of when? Five minutes ago. Deal with it.

FEETY JAMMIES (THE ZIP UP KIND). I love these almost as much as one piece outfits. Probably more considering the easy zipper versus leg snap thing. Also, and it seems like I might be forcing my own weird hang ups on my kid, it’s the whole comfort thing. Who hasn’t seen a baby or toddler in those cute, feety pajamas and thought, ‘Aww, I just want to snuggle with that delicious bit of babyness?” Maybe it’s a parent thing (Bedtime = Parental Brain Reload Time) but those kids in their sleepwear are just Too. Damn. Cute. 

ONESIES. These are either awesome or completely sucktastic. Personally, I'm a bit of a onesie-aholic. I love them layered under clothes in the winter and I love them AS clothes in the summer. It keeps that constantly moving bundle of energy contained in one cloth. Until they have a "poop-splosion". Then a onesie is just a kiss of death. "Awww crap, he pooped right up his back! How am I going to get this off without smearing poop all over the kid?" The answer, which I only found out on baby number four, is that onesies have those weird shoulder things in order to roll it down around the kid in instances of poop-toberfest. (Yep, I'm thinking that four kids and 26 poopmanias later, THAT would have been handy information to have from the start.) Honestly though, up or down, that kid's going to need to be plopped in a bath A.S.A.P. anyway. Well, unless you've used 17 wipes and feel they're clean enough for now. I'd probably use 17 wipes and still give him a bath due a little bit of Macbeth Syndrome. (Out, out damn spot!)

SO, basically, all this supports my love of one piece, comfortable clothing. Kind of like the kind they will one day prove socially acceptable for adults. Hey, it could happen. Maybe I'll get a petition going or something....

I've got a case of cuteness overload with this one!