Summer Schedules (A.K.A. Mom's Summer Migraine)

The almost youngest, the eight year old, decided that he didn't really want to do the camp thingy (that they hold half days at the school) this year. His sister is at that awkward age of 14 (technically employable but only 1 out of every 100 potential employers will hire that age group) so the almost youngest became her summer job.

I don't know if all parents are as evil, I mean frugal, as I am, but she gets paid at the "family rate". For all of you who might not know what this is, it's a discounted rate you pay one kid to watch your other kid. The discount is due to the fact that you gave birth to both of them and money doesn't grow on trees dammit. Plus, it's a nice way to break the teenager into good saving and spending habits. (It also doesn't force me to sell one of the older kids in order to afford the price of two kids in daycare.)

So, in my extreme brilliance, I announce to these two former residents of my womb that there will be schedules and that there won't be eight hours of brain draining in front of the boob tube all day, every day. Yes, this was surely a singular, monumentally amazing bit of parenting on my part, right? I would design fabulous and creative bits of exemplary parenting. Amazingly, they even seemed receptive to this idea.

The first day of official summer vacation came and I was prepared. I had creative writing and free time and even art class. The next day I was even more brilliant. I had them create poems (haiku) and let them do "cooking" by making mug cakes in the microwave. The next week continued to go smoothly. There was homemade bingo games and summer goal lists and dancing. My husband asked if he could skip work and do summer schedule time. The kids were having a blast and everything was going along swimmingly. Until two things happened.

First, I realized that I don't really have time to be creative anymore. Between work and laundry and cooking and cleaning, my brain power level falls to about, oh, negative three. There were a few nights I was up til 11:30 just preparing my scheduling gems. I was excited for the fourth of July holiday because I found some cool printable sheets that tied to the holiday theme. Plus the short week meant one less day of scheduling. Still, I figured that a little less sleep and some strenuous Pintrest trolling for ideas was worth making them learn and play and not be bored and boring blobs this summer.

Then the second thing happened. The pod people left and brought back my real children. The ones who bickered with each other and didn't like certain things included in the schedule. So, in another gleefully genius moment, I decide to make a survey for them. I was ecstatic because, not only did I incorporate it into the schedule (less time searching the web for "fun summer activities") but I would be able to take out the one or two things they didn't like. It's a win-win-win, right?

Yeah, the pod people left my real children though, remember?

Of course the older one LOVES the art and reading and the cooking-but-not-really-cooking-because-it's-in-the-microwave-but-it-still-counts-enough-for-her class. The younger one hates the art and the mug cake snacks in the cooking-but-not-really-cooking class and the reading but loves the math and the dancing. Can you guess who didn't like the math and the dancing? Yep, the older one. So now I know that only one half of them is going to be happy during any given activity. Except free time, they seem to like that one for some reason. (Insert parental eye roll to denote sarcasm here.)

Sigh.

Is it September yet?

So, for now I'm trucking through this scheduling idea. Or as I affectionately call it: What alcohol and/or drugs was I under the influence of when I came up with this dumbass plan? I figure I've made it through half of the summer and I might even have my sanity intact. Well, most of it. Surely the last half can't be that hard....right? (Please tell me I'm right.) For now, I've got to print out math facts to torment, I mean teach, my children. If I'm really creative, maybe I can even lure the pod people back.......

And so does the whining.