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Modern Mom Mayhem's Stuff I'm Thankful For And Stuff
1. I'm thankful I only have four kids. Sure, that last one was a surprise and I almost only had three kids, but it could have been worse. (I mean, uh, better?) I think my sanity ship is starting to sail away without me. This last kid is trying to kill me. Or in the very least, tire me out so I fall asleep first and he can drag the chair over to the counter, climb up, and get the cookies out of the cookie jar. Just think, if that last pregnancy had been twins, or even triplets, I'd be in the asylum by now. I think of all those parents with multiple kids (Octomom, the Duggars) and just want to ask them , "Why?" Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to death and ain't nobody gonna mess with my cubs. I just wish they came with a calm button. Or possibly a let mom nap for twenty minutes button.
2. I'm thankful for a husband who lets me find the Barry Bonds of turkeys every year and doesn't even pick on me (for more than an hour). I can't pinpoint when my love of Thanksgiving morphed into something a little more sinister and turkey full, but I LOVE finding a big, ol, fat turkey for roasting every year. This year will probably go down in history as the biggest turkey, topping the scale at 26 (and a bit) pounds. Okay, okay, it was closer to 27. Hey, listen, when you stumble upon those big boys and they're only 44 cents a pound, what are you supposed to do? Get a smaller turkey? (Snort) Unlikely! Go big or go home people! I want to have have enough turkey leftover for, oh, a week at least. I want my family to be so sick of turkey that my half-assed throw together meals on hectic week nights look like filet mignon. "Wow Mom, this grilled cheese sandwich is awesome!" Take the win when you can moms.
3. I'm thankful for a job that gives me Thanksgiving off. To all the people who work Thanksgiving, you are awesome and I hope someone in your life is saving you a plate of carbtastic awesomeness. But if I had to work I'd only be able to get a runty little 16 or 17 pound turkey and it would make me very, very sad. Not to mention all the rest of the meal that can be high maintenance. The mashed potatoes and the stuffing and the gravy and the rolls. So thank you employer, for giving me the entire day to be a Thanksgiving zealot.
4. I'm thankful for Thomas St. Turkey for inventing the Best. Holiday. Ever. What do you mean that isn't who invented it? Just look on Wikipedia. But hold on a minute while I log on to Wikipedia......
5. I'm thankful for my DVR who dutifully bites the bullet and starts recording Christmas movies before the beautious Novemeber holiday has gotten to be fully appreciated. DVR knows that I'll need holiday spirit in the form of cheesy holiday movies and specials to keep me occupied during the stupid new trend of "television winter break", which is apparently a thing now. I don't know who thought a two month hiatus of all my kick ass prime time shows was a good idea, but that person needs to be downsized Ay-sap! (Let's not fire someone this close to Christmas, ya know?) So while I'm stuffing stuffing and gobbling the gobbler, my DVR has resigned itself to recording Its A Wonderful Life and Holiday in Handcuffs. Bless you, you gorgeous piece of machinery.
6. Most of all, I'm thankful for readers like you ho continually put up with my smart ass, whiny, piss and moan about everything attitude and still come back for more. You rock. No really, you do. Get yourself some pie. Or a roll. Maybe some stuffing and turkey too. Okay, okay, you might as well make a plate of leftovers. While you're up, could you get me one too?
2. I'm thankful for a husband who lets me find the Barry Bonds of turkeys every year and doesn't even pick on me (for more than an hour). I can't pinpoint when my love of Thanksgiving morphed into something a little more sinister and turkey full, but I LOVE finding a big, ol, fat turkey for roasting every year. This year will probably go down in history as the biggest turkey, topping the scale at 26 (and a bit) pounds. Okay, okay, it was closer to 27. Hey, listen, when you stumble upon those big boys and they're only 44 cents a pound, what are you supposed to do? Get a smaller turkey? (Snort) Unlikely! Go big or go home people! I want to have have enough turkey leftover for, oh, a week at least. I want my family to be so sick of turkey that my half-assed throw together meals on hectic week nights look like filet mignon. "Wow Mom, this grilled cheese sandwich is awesome!" Take the win when you can moms.
3. I'm thankful for a job that gives me Thanksgiving off. To all the people who work Thanksgiving, you are awesome and I hope someone in your life is saving you a plate of carbtastic awesomeness. But if I had to work I'd only be able to get a runty little 16 or 17 pound turkey and it would make me very, very sad. Not to mention all the rest of the meal that can be high maintenance. The mashed potatoes and the stuffing and the gravy and the rolls. So thank you employer, for giving me the entire day to be a Thanksgiving zealot.
4. I'm thankful for Thomas St. Turkey for inventing the Best. Holiday. Ever. What do you mean that isn't who invented it? Just look on Wikipedia. But hold on a minute while I log on to Wikipedia......
5. I'm thankful for my DVR who dutifully bites the bullet and starts recording Christmas movies before the beautious Novemeber holiday has gotten to be fully appreciated. DVR knows that I'll need holiday spirit in the form of cheesy holiday movies and specials to keep me occupied during the stupid new trend of "television winter break", which is apparently a thing now. I don't know who thought a two month hiatus of all my kick ass prime time shows was a good idea, but that person needs to be downsized Ay-sap! (Let's not fire someone this close to Christmas, ya know?) So while I'm stuffing stuffing and gobbling the gobbler, my DVR has resigned itself to recording Its A Wonderful Life and Holiday in Handcuffs. Bless you, you gorgeous piece of machinery.
6. Most of all, I'm thankful for readers like you ho continually put up with my smart ass, whiny, piss and moan about everything attitude and still come back for more. You rock. No really, you do. Get yourself some pie. Or a roll. Maybe some stuffing and turkey too. Okay, okay, you might as well make a plate of leftovers. While you're up, could you get me one too?
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