Posts
Social media offers us multiple platforms for us the stay
connected with family, friends, and even complete strangers. (Celebri-stalking has
never been easier!) You can like, follow, retweet and look at Instagram photos
for every John, Jane, and Jack on the planet, celebrity or not. (It’s so easy a
President can do it!)
But sometimes, that starry eyed wonder evaporates in the
blink of an eye.
I admit that I don’t often use my social media to the
capacity that I could. Most times I only use it by accident. If you’re
proficient in the language of social media, I’m sure you’re wondering how I can
accidentally use it. Generally, I see an article on some picture that some
celebrity posted that caused some sort of (eyeroll) scandal, or better yet,
brought out the trolls en masse. Normally I am seeing this headline briefly as
I head online to one of the websites that I use for work, so I can’t really
take the time to check things out. (Not to mention that everything fun is
blocked at work. Or so I hear. I wouldn’t really know personally.)
Ironically, this is usually how I find funny Facebook pages
and “tweeters” too. I don’t know if you have ever seen the imomsohard ladies,
but their videos never fail to crack me up. (They might be my mom spirit animal.) And
you have to live under a rock not to have heard of James Breakwell and his
Xploding Unicorn Twitter account. Here he regals us with tales of his life with one wife, four daughters
and a comedic timing that never disappoints. Both of these are so relatable and
hilarious that I am thrilled to have stumbled upon their unique brand of
entertainment.
But it’s not always that way.
Sometimes, I find something that I like or follow and start
to regret it. Maybe it’s that they post too damn much. Maybe it’s that they
were only funny that one time and don’t live up to my expectations anymore.
Whatever it is that makes me disenchanted with them, I’m always super bummed to
have to “unlike” or “unfollow” anyone. Plus, it’s like SO much work. I have to go
find their page or their site and stuff and then figure out how to get out of
it. They should totally make a universal process for this. THE BUTTON. Click
once for “like”, twice for “love”, three times for “leave me the hell alone now”. (Which can double as the "I'm sorry I drunk liked you and now am rectifying that error in the sober light of day" button.)
Unfortunately, I feel guilty when I actually DO follow
through with kicking their asses off my followed list. I feel like they’re keeping
an eye on their numbers (well probably not them if they’re mega famous, but
definitely an unpaid intern peon or something) and then I go and betray them by
leaving. I always imagine them ending up with hurt feelings and taking it
personal, wondering what they did to offend someone. I’m sure that I’m making
too much out of it and that in reality, no one really gives a flying fudgecicle
but WHAT IF THEY DO? It’s just too much. (FYI, when my document program doesn’t
know that fudgcicle is a word and gives me zero spelling suggestions, it really
starts to make me paranoid that it’s a nonexistent word that only I use. So if
that’s the case, I truly apologize but you’ll have to add it to your own
personal dictionary now. I don’t make the rules, just that one.)
The guilt isn’t usually enough to trump the feeling of “Wow,
that’s really bleeping stupid.” Especially if it’s a sentiment I’m uttering
multiple times over the course of a day due to the frequency of posts. I’ve
come to the conclusion that there IS an amount of posts that is “just right”,
or the Goldilocks Syndrome as I like to call it. (As of this moment.) If it’s
too much, I’m annoyed. If it’s too little, I don’t remember who you are. But if
it’s just right, plus it made me laugh, then there’s a good chance I won’t feel
guilty for giving you the axe. There are only so many hours in my day and this
small chunk of time that I have blocked off to waste on social media already
has 5 minutes of cats falling off table videos.
And I would totally LOVE to go on a really big rant about
how much time I actually DO waste on some sort of cat related videos (why are there
so many out there?) but I actually am nearing that pre-determined period of above
referenced social media time wasting, so you probably dodged a bullet there.
Psssstt…….
If you enjoy wasting time on social media, and you’re just
looking for someone new to follow (and then unfollow next week), come find ME!
I promise I won’t post too much and when I actually remember that I am the one
that has to manage it (because APPARENTLY there are no social media posting
fairies), it’s probably something that gave me a chuckle. (Or an eyeroll.) Look
for me on:
Instagram: modernmommayhem
and/or
Facebook: Modern Mom Mayhem
