Pumpkin Spice Better Chillax

Why is it that everybody is always in such a hurry to get to the next thing? It doesn't matter if it's an age (I can't wait until I'm old enough to drive!), a phase in our lives (I can't wait until he starts school), or, my current peeve, a season. Most specifically autumn.

It seems like as soon as mid-freaking-July hits, that's the secret signal for all of these stores to start rolling out the fall promotions. Soon everywhere you turn it's pumpkin spice this and apple cinnamon that. Swimsuits go on clearance (Because who would want to buy a bathing suit in the summer?!?!) and sweaters to start to roll out. Forty five people in your social  media news feeds will roll out that annoying "Who's ready for bonfires and crunchy leaves?" post.

Yeah, that's the one.

And why is it necessary to push all this autumn crap on us in July anyway? Can't you see that I'm trying to SUMMER over here? There's like 2 and a half months max that I get to enjoy the heat, the pool, cookouts and family lawn games, and growing my own vegetables and flowers. You know what's NOT good for growing flowers and vegetables? Fall. You know what's NOT good for pool parties? Autumn. You know who could give two craps about pumpkin spice ANYTHING? This girl.

Stores be rolling out emails in July like:

 

Come in NOW and stock up on your favorite fall scented candles and lotions!

FALL into a new wardrobe for autumn!

Save 15% on your favorite cardigans and hoodies!

Meanwhile, it's 85 degrees and I have sweat in places I didn't know I could sweat in just by walking to the car. I'm really not thinking, "Boy, I could use a sweater right now!" (Well, at least not until I go to work and sit my office with the AC that is set on the Popsicle setting.) And don't think that's a complaint about the heat, because it's not! I'm one of those weirdos who loves heat and humidity. (Plus humidity grows the best tomatoes!) 

Summer is short enough that if you blink even once after Memorial Day it's already Labor Day. And yes, while I do agree that fall brings some pretty kick ass things like apple picking, pumpkins, football, and gorgeous leaves, it's also a gateway season. That's right, first it's the light stuff like autumn and then before you know it, you're into the hard stuff like WINTER with it's icy nastiness and white shit everywhere. Do you know why winter has so many holidays? To keep people from realizing it's winter! Let's have a Christmas party! Ooh, now let's have a New Year's party! Hey, let's have a Valentine's Day party! Quick! Break out the corned beef and green beer, it's a St. Patrick's Day party! And then before we all catch on that we're stuck in this perpetual hell of slushy, frozen tundra, BAM! Spring is here.

I guess I just don't think it's a lot to ask for to let me live in the damn moment and enjoy my summer. There's something special about your kids being able to have spontaneous s'mores nights and swimming all day like they've suddenly grown gills. There's freedom in not having to worry about packing lunches and having to always have cash on hand for field trips and book orders. (Plus there's an added benefit of being able to tell the kids to go outside and play which may earn you 3.5 minutes of quiet time. You might even be able to pee with the door shut!)

So yeah, I know fall's on the way. The temperatures are starting to change ever so slightly and the stores are amping up their back to school ads like we might miss it if they don't tell us every week. (Like any parent doesn't have THAT day circled in red on their calendar complete with an internal countdown clock? Yeah, I know, we're contrary creatures. We may enjoy summer but we enjoy sanity too. What's left.) I know it's coming, but I don't have to like it. And I don't have to acknowledge it. At least not until:

Autumn Equinox 2018 in Northern Hemisphere will be at 9:54 PM on
Saturday, September 22

Until then though, it's still summer baby. You'll find me by the pool.