Our Children: The Great Time Magicians

     Everyone thinks that their child is special. Maybe because they’re a math genius or because they didn’t lick any other kids at the playground that day but they are, in fact, special for another reason altogether:

Children are Magicians of Time.

Ok, I know you’re thinking that I’ve finally gone ‘round the bend now. Well, yes, I have. I thought that we had established that these past few years that we’ve spent time together. Anyway, if you take a moment and really think about it, you will see the evidence that’s been staring you in the face.

The ability to manipulate time comes at birth. Since it takes time to hone this skill, it’s a little wonky in that first few months. That’s the reason why all of a sudden you realize that it’s been a week since they were born (and your last shower) and how every sleepless night in those first months feel weeks long. You’ve got to cut them a little slack people. They’re brand new to this planet. There’s a learning curve. The good thing about this is that you’re too sleep deprived and catatonic to even notice that time has gone all wibbly wobbly. The early days you count yourself lucky if you get at least one hot meal AND a shower in 12 consecutive hours.

They practice their craft until they are master time manipulators and they are damn good at it too. Consider how often time slows down:

·      When they’re sick and all you want is for them to hurry up and be well again

·       Sitting through countless hours of tee ball games where they pick daisies for 2 hours

·        The teenage years

·        Any grade school band concert under the age of 10

·        Listening to them tell you the story of how Tommy threw up at recess, a 12 part saga with meandering mini stories intertwined in the 22 minute tale

In every instance, you’re probably watching the clock avidly, waiting for the hands to tick away the time until normalcy resumes. (The teenage years are a LONG wait for this.) For me, I used to loathe tee ball with the passion of 1,000 fiery suns. I know parents who would look at me in shock like I should be doing cartwheels sitting there while Johnny on the blue team tries 43 times to hit the ball off the tee and Susie on the orange team is laying down in the outfield making grass angels. I know that they need to start somewhere to learn these skills, but I was always thrilled when they moved up to little league. You know, REAL baseball. I’m sure that it didn’t help that baseball season seemed to only have two temperatures: frostbite and sun stroke. Give me a squeaky instrumented fourth grade band concert, I can take it. But whatever you do, please don’t make me sit through tee ball again. (Side note: If the pandemic has given me any gift, it’s that my youngest will be too old for tee ball when sports resume. Halleluiah!)

You’d think that they would be happy to slow time down and be done with it, wouldn’t you? But nooooo, they also speed time up. Think about their first birthday. You sat there for an entire day wondering how the hell a year went by so fast, didn’t you? The same thing happened when they went to kindergarten the first time and you stoically sent them on that bright yellow bus, holding back those tears until they were far enough away that you wouldn’t emotionally scar them (more than normal anyway). How did he get to be 5? When did she grow up to be a school aged kid? How could have 1,825 days have gone by so fast. (I am going to pretend that I pulled that number out of my stellar mental math skills and not the calculator on my smart phone.)

Their favorite time to fast forward, of course, is the holidays. This is why you blink on October 31 and then it’s all of a sudden 3 weeks until Christmas. You can’t really blame them though. Who doesn’t look forward to presents? (Other than a present hating weirdo I mean.) If you’re smart, you’ll get Halloween costumes and stocking stuffers at the same time and save yourself some stress at the time glitch you don’t remember happening. Don’t worry, after a kid or two, you don’t even notice it anymore. You’re too busy baking cookies, wrapping presents, planning parties, cooking food, keeping schedules straight, going to work, cleaning, climbing Mt. Laundry, and possibly even managing some sleep in there too. Just tape your eyes open because if you blink one too many times, it’s February break.

These kids get so good at making time go by fast that sometimes they make it disappear completely. It’s true! Tomorrow is December 1. I’m pretty sure that yesterday was June. So where did the 5 months in between go huh? They literally disappeared into thin air. POOF. This is where the magicians show off their true skills. The earlier stuff was just warming up for the main event. Once they’ve mastered making literal hours and days disappear, they start going bigger. Weeks, months, years…..before you know it they’re off to college and you’re scratching your head at an eight year old is able to even go to college. At least, that’s the last clear memory you have. Their 8^th birthday party that you spent hours on Pinterest finding ideas how to do an under the sea themed party and all the time that you cut out construction paper fish and made fishing poles out of sticks and strings.

So the next time that you’re wondering where the time went, remember the little Time Wizard that resides with you. That Marvelous Minute Magician. Admire their skill. Appreciate their craft. Most importantly, hug them before it’s Tuesday the 21^st of three years later.

 

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