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If you really want to push one of
my buttons, then don’t be truthful with me. Certain past relationships have
given me some emotional baggage in the form of an intense hatred of liars.
Which makes sense, since we teach our kids not to lie to us, right? We are
always harping on them to tell the truth.
Then we all grow up and become a
member of The Big, Fat Liars Club.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a small
white lie (“No, that shirt looks amazing on you!”) or a huge lie (“I did not
have sexual relations with that woman.”), we are all guilty. It seems like we
have swung too far to the dark side when it comes to dishonesty though and if
you think I’m exaggerating (Would I do that?!) then let me give you an example.
Have you ever told someone that
your kid was being a jerk, only to have them look at you like you just admitted
to kicking orphaned puppies? If you aren’t acting like your kid is the greatest
gift from the angels above, then clearly you are a heathen who doesn’t deserve
a child. The only problem with that is, well, children. Have you met them?
Because I have had the pleasure of having 4 of them and I can attest, at one
point or another, they were all dinks. Now, don’t get it twisted, YOU are not
allowed to call my kid an A-hole. Even if they're clearly acting like one. That
right is solely reserved for the two people who donated DNA to his existence. That
is what we have earned for putting up with all the jerkiness that you haven’t
seen them commit. The un-public displays of tantrums. The headache inducing
argumentativeness that we are slightly proud of since it means that they won’t
be a pushover, while simultaneously being horrified that they can’t just do
what they’re told for once. The thousands and thousands (and million) of times
we are told we are mean or unfair. Those are the reasons we get to be honest
about our children’s tendencies towards dinkery.
The issue, however, is societal
influence. That’s right. The problem with people is, well, other people.
Society says that you can’t tell people how evil your child acts on Tuesdays just
because they hate music class. Society says that you must be grateful for this
child at all times because, well, there are people out there who can’t have
children and you don’t want to somehow hurt their feelings if you come upon one
in the wild. Except, shouldn’t we be more honest about how hard children are?
Would it perhaps discourage these teenagers from thinking that a baby would
solve all their problems if they heard the horror stories of assholery? Would
moms stop taking on a lion’s share of the guilt for not being perfect if they
know other moms had the same issues? Society has so many unrealistic ideals for
body, beauty, wifely duties, and working status, can’t we cross off the one
that says motherhood is always a blissful and perfect experience? Do you know
how many times I’ve felt like a terrible mom during a moment of motherhood that
was crushing my spirit? We tell ourselves, and our kids, that it’s ok to not
like everyone all the time, but we don’t practice what we preach. Kids are
people too, just with a height deficit and a more limited vocabulary. (We don’t
hold that against them.)
Honestly, I don’t trust people who
think their kid walks on water all the time. Either that kid is the SUPER rare
exception to the rule or else you gave birth to a Stepford child. If you’ve
never had a moment where you didn’t particularly like your kid, then I don’t
trust you. You must be doing something wrong. Or perhaps you’re “Society” and
expect us all to be perfect like you. In which case, I still don’t trust
you. I don’t have time to be perfect. I barely have time to be myself.
I also don’t trust spouses who say
that they are never upset with their significant other. Like NEVER? Never EVER?
You’re telling me that you got married and lived happily ever after with nary a
cross word spoken between the two of you? Because that’s not reality, that’s a
Disney movie. Real life marriages can be hard, and messy, and emotional. They
require work on both ends to learn how to communicate and live with another
person. Maybe if we were real about how much work marriage is, people would
stop getting divorced the first time their spouse left the toothpaste cap off.
If you’re telling me there was never a moment where you stared at your spouse
thinking, “I swear to GOD, if he chews with his mouth open just ONE more time,
I’m going to shove my foot where the sun doesn’t shine!” Or “If she leaves her
dirty socks NEXT to the hamper again, I’m going to scream!” then I am calling
bullshit. We’re human. We are imperfect and messy and emotional. We are complicated
and dramatic and crazy. And you can’t shove complicated and dramatic into a
house together without expecting some sort of fireworks. Which is to say that I
am more trustful of someone who’s got a "One time I wanted to smack my spouse
because…” story than one who says, “Oh no, we never go to bed angry. In fact,
we are never angry with each other.”
If you’ll just take this, here is
your membership card to The Big Fat Liars Club.
I guess the moral of the story here
is: Don’t lie. And a secondary moral: Stop crushing yourself with guilt, you’re
killing this thing called parenthood. (And if you’re not killing it, well, hopefully
you’ve got a therapy fund started.)
Need even more mayhem in your
life? Find me on FaceBook (modernmommayhem).
Or check me out on Instagram (@modernmommayhem)
Want to send me a personal note, a comment, or share one of your funny parenting stories? Bring it on! Email me at modernmommayhem@gmail.com
