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In this digital day and age of internet creepers and prevalent social media bullying, parents have to teach their children safety rules and online etiquette. You know, in addition to manners, respect, walking, talking, bathing, feeding, and the basic human functions that we already have to cram into 18 short years. We have to hammer home the importance of not talking to strangers both in real life and online. Most significantly, we have to ensure that they know to NEVER reveal personal information online.
Sadly, there are a lot of adults
who did not get taught this lesson.
Yes, that’s right, I’m talking
about all the people who overshare extremely personal information that no one
needs to know other than god and themselves. (To be honest, God has also asked
that you stopped sharing info with him. It’s causing him anxiety.) The people
who are so in love with themselves that they post countless selfies, lest we
forget what they look like when the last pic was posted 4 and a half minutes
ago.
I’m not sure why people feel like
they need to blast all the intimate details of their lives on social media. Is
it that they need the attention? Is it a generational thing? Gen X came with
automatic privacy settings set to the highest level and we will happily mind
our own damn business, thank you very much. I’m just saying, it’s real cringe to
read these overzealous posts.
(It’s ok for me to say “cringe”. I
got permission from one of their generation to use it in this extremely
applicable setting. It might have sounded a little like “Don’t say that ever again” , but I'm sure that was granting me permission.)
But if you DO decide that you can’t
stop posting things like #divorced or #breakup or #single or #thesedamnkids,
then I demand a full account. I don’t just want one side either. I’m going to
need a complete, detailed account of both sides of the story if I am truly
going to pick which side I’m on. If you want to air your dirty laundry, stop
half assing it and just put it all out there. It’s our right as the friends and/or family being subjected to these overly dramatic ramblings. When I’m making
my popcorn to sit down and devour the latest session of “Your Big Fat,
Melodramatic Life”, I need to know if you’re the antagonist or the protagonist.
Am I rooting for you or against you? Are you the perpetrator of the crime of
the victim? If you’re going to drag us into your saga, then make sure we are
invested. How are we supposed to care from one series of questionable hashtags
on a photo? (Which has to be a selfie of course. It’s in the handbook of rules
handed out at the over sharer’s anonymous meetings. Which is never anonymous
because they all want you to know who they are.)
I don’t want to know. Honestly, I
don’t. I don’t use social media to be (shudder) social. I use it to be stalk my
favorite celebrities and post funny memes. I use it to post pictures of my kids
for family members that we don’t see often. I use it to watch standup comedy
and funny animal videos. If you want to involve those pesky feelings that Gen X
was trained to ignore, then you’re going to have to do better than a few
cryptic words and number signs. (Yes younglings, the hashtag was a boring old
number sign when I was your age. That’s your historical fact for the day.
You’re welcome.)
Now, unless you’ve gotten both
sides of your story ready to be presented, complete with colorful graphs and
damning evidence, I’ll just go back over here to minding my own business. It’s
not as exciting as everything y’all got going on, but it’s definitely a lot
more peaceful.
Well, until the kids find my hiding
spot again.
Need more verbal mayhem? Find me on
FaceBook at Modern Mom Mayhem.
I can sometimes be found on
Instagram @modernmommayhem.
Want to share both sides of your story? Send an email to modernmommayhem@gmail.com.
