This Little Piggy Went to the Market

They always say one of the things you should never do is go to the market when you're hungry. (Yes, yes, I say market instead of grocery store. I also say tinfoil. Deal with it.) My antiquated speech aside, they say these things for a reason. (I'm still not quite sure who they are, but I'd like to meet them one day and thank them for their profound words of wisdom.)

I'm guessing the reason that they say this is because when you shop hungry, it changes what you might buy. Like, for example, say I really needed oranges, milk, and peanut butter but I come home with ring dings, potato chips, root beer, and ice cream. Yes, I probably remembered to get the milk, oranges, and peanut butter too, but I picked up some hitchhikers on the way to get them. That package of Oreos begged for a ride. That family size bag of Doritos practically threw itself at me. And if that wasn't bad enough, once I finally made it to the checkout line, that Milky Way was feeling so unloved that I had to buy it just to prove that it was well liked. (Disclaimer: I'm not representing any of these brands. It's just easier to make my point with "Oreos" versus "creme filled chocolate sandwich cookies". Not to mention less wordy.)

Maybe I can get this tattooed on my forehead as a reminder?

The other drawback to this scenario is that you spend much more money than you wanted by picking up all these nutritionally challenged friends of yours. Even if it'a all "on sale" or if you coupon, those hunger pains can blind you to those dollar signs until that final sticker shock at the end. At that point you're probably not going to say "I confess to shopping hungry, put it all back please!" so you pay and leave quickly. (The super market walk of shame: Fast steps, furiously rushing your cart towards your car, downcast eyes.)

What I want to know is this: Why can't I crave healthy foods? It's never, "You know what sounds good? Some kale. Or some grilled white fish. With a side of flax seed salad." (Is that a thing? I feel like that's a thing.) Nope. It's more often "Hmm, I feel like having brownies covered in ice cream smothered in hot fudge. With a side of extra movie theater butter microwave popcorn. (Which should probably just be renamed Cholesterol Clogging Calorie Corn.) Any attempt to eat healthy gets buried underneath a not so healthy add on. Like, mmm, broccoli. With cheese sauce. Or yum, a 93% lean hamburger on a multi grain roll. With cheese. And bacon. And mayonnaise. And more bacon.

So the moral of the story is, don't write about food. Seriously. I'm starving now. Does anyone have a steak? What about chocolate cake? Anyone? No? Huh, guess I'll have to run to the store then.

I'll take two please!