Men’s Suitcases Are From Mars, Women’s Are From Venus

We just got back from our annual vacation last weekend and it usually is my job to be the one to pack us up for it. It’s not that my husband won't pack, because I’m sure he wouldn’t mind doing it. It’s just that if he did, we’d all have 2 pairs of underwear, 3 sets of clothes, no pajamas, and some of us may or may not have a swim suit. (I bet mine would “accidentally” get forgotten. Wink, wink.)

It isn’t his fault that I’m more organized or detail oriented. I think that’s one of the main differences in the whole male/female dynamic. It’s why husbands and wives balance each other out. (Kind of like I hate olives and he loves them.) But it got me thinking about how we think differently about getting ready for vacation. 

On car space:

Him: There’s not a whole lot of room in the back of the car, so what can we eliminate from the list? How about the kids toys? It’s not like they do much other than take up space. Plus, it’s a pain in the ass to clean them every time we leave the beach. Ok, that's solved, they stay.

Me: I don’t think we are going to squeeze everything we need in here. Hmm, what’s not absolutely essential? I guess the sand toys could stay if we needed them to but what will the boys use on the beach? Ugh, it sucks that this will be the first year we haven’t brought them but I just don’t think that they’ll fit. Man, they’re going to be bummed. I'm going to have three days of mom guilt for deciding not to pack their toys. 

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On packing:

Him: Ok, so I need 3 pairs of shorts, a pair of swim trunks, 2 pairs of underwear and 3 shirts. They have a laundry thingy there, right? Oh and deodorant and cologne. I don’t want to stink. Anything else we can buy when we get there, right?

Me: Alright, so we need at least 5 or 6 outfits. Each. Oh, and probably 2 or 3 swimsuits per person. That way we can let the wet ones dry and rotate them. So that’s swimsuits, beach cover ups, beach towels, sandals, water shoes, sun hat, pool goggles, swim diapers, pajamas, underwear for each day, socks in case feet get cold, a sweatshirt for the chilly evenings, sneakers in case we have to do a lot of walking, sunscreen, aloe, deodorant, beach chairs, toothbrushes, sunglasses, toothpaste, shampoo, dry skin lotion, floss, and mouthwash. Am I forgetting anything? Because even though I could buy anything that we forget (we’re going to Florida after all, not the moon) I will be totally pissed off to have to spend money on something that I already have sitting at home that I forgot to pack. Plus my mom super powers enable me to envision every possible panic inducing scenario and the resulting item that we will require. Advil for headaches, chap stick for burned lips, and stain removing wipes for the car....check.

On preparing the few days before we go:

Him: ……I wonder if I should get a haircut now or wait until we get there?

Me: Okay, so the oil change was done before our big vacation drive. Check that off the list. We got new wiper blades; hubby put them on and he filled the washer fluid too. Check. I have to go to the bank, stop the paper, hold the mail, get the stuff to send with the dog, buy snacks for the ride, get some bottled water for the cooler, charge the tablets, pack the device chargers, remember my medicine, schedule haircuts about a week before we leave (so it’s short but not freshly cut….the Goldilocks of haircuts, it’s “just right”), get toys and puzzles for the kids for the ride, check to see if the car DVD players still work, get movies for them to watch, put wipes and tissues in the glove box, remember a bag to throw the juice boxes and snack garbage in, pack a bag with a change of clothes for the hotel and where the hell is the duffel bag to hold the beach towels? Why does packing take so long? I’m stressed. I need a vacation.

On dealing with traffic jams after already spending 7 hours in the car:

Him: Lots of passive aggressive driving techniques and angry muttering.

Me: A dab of passive aggressive driving techniques and A LOT of mental F-bombs. (Plus one, ok, TWO angry muttered out loud F-bombs that were heard only by my husband.)

So if you and your spouse don’t always see eye to eye on vacation preparation, just know that you’re not alone. There are probably thousands of similar couples out there. So long as you come home with the same number of family members that you started with, you can consider it a successful venture. If you manage to come home with all of them AND all the crap you packed, you also get a gold star of achievement.

Um, why does the mom finger only have 1/2 a bathing suit? Cover your knuckle lady!