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Just three short years ago I penned an open letter to my son
upon his graduation. Once again I find myself in a similar situation, only this time it’s
my daughter that has graduated. Since sons and daughters are very different, I
felt like she needed to have her own letter. So here it is:
Dear Daughter: Advice for Leaving the Nest
Dear Daughter,
Yee haw! Sweet, sweet freedom! I know that you, and many
other college kids, will have adventures and try new things that your parents
won’t hear about for many, many, many, many, MANY years. (And even then it will
probably only be because it was accidentally spilled by a co-conspiring sibling/cousin/friend.)
While I want you to enjoy college, I do have some advice for you while you find
your footing in this big, new world.
Remember that you’re not always going to like everybody.
Everybody isn’t always going to like you. This is fine. You don’t have to like
someone to be nice. Be the bigger person. Being kind to someone who is trying
to be cruel to you will confuse them even more. You don’t want to be the mean
girl who inspires an epic Carrie like revenge scene where you end up covered in
pig’s blood. (Do you even know how hard it is to get blood out of clothes?) Besides,
being nice burns more calories than being mean. Did you believe me when I said
that? Because that leads me to this next one…
Don’t be so gullible. Yeah, it’s cute at home when we tease
you and you believe us, but other people will take advantage of it. So no
matter what that person says, they probably don’t have puppies and candy in
that 1980’s panel van. DO NOT go with them. And that guy who says that he’s a
talent scout for a modeling agency and can assess your skills, you just have to
get naked first…yeah, that’s probably a skeezy perv that you should just stay
away from. (No matter what spell check says, skeezy perv is a thing. You don’t
want to be one and you don’t want to
know one.) This is how probably 50%
of CSI/Law and Order/Forensic Files episodes start. The other half involve late night walks down dark alleys
and early morning jogging in the most isolated areas that you can find. Please also
avoid these scenarios at all costs.
NEVER leave your drink unattended. If you forget this
cardinal rule and for some reason do not have eyes on your glass at all times,
get a new drink. Yeah, I might sound like a paranoid mom, but you’ve never seen
me played by Meredith Baxter in a Hallmark movie about a date rape fraternity
house of horrors, now have you? (Because Hallmark will get the rights to any and all movies about women who have
terrible things happen to them. I think it’s in their contract somewhere.)
Study. Take a snack break. Study some more. Do your best at
all times. Even if you do your best and it’s only a B, you will have the
satisfaction of knowing that you worked hard for the grade. You don’t want to
get a B and wonder if you could have done better if you’d only worked harder.
And it WILL be harder. High school leaves you ill prepared for college because
they still hold your hand quite a bit. Then you go to college and get a hard
shove into the real world with a short, “Good Luck, kid” and a bunch of well
wishes. College should be harder than
high school though. It’s preparing you for your profession, for your future, for
dealing with all sorts of people.
Speaking of people…college is like a candy store. You’ll
have a variety to choose from. There will be rich ones and poor ones. Nice ones
and mean ones. Gay ones and straight ones. White ones and brown ones. Funny ones and serious ones. Sunny ones and cloudy ones. Weird
ones and normal ones. Surround yourself with people who get you. People who
lift you up, not bring you down. People who are nice and also like eating ice
cream while binge watching Warehouse 13 for the 9th time. (Okay, if
you find that specific of a person,
you might want to make them your instant BFF because honestly, what are the
odds that there are two of you in this world and you found yourself in the same
college?)
Which reminds me.
Binge watch quality
shows on Netflix. None of this Real Housewives of Some Town I Don’t Care About
or Dancing With Mediocre D List Stars Because All the Real Celebrities Have
Real Jobs And Don’t Want to Do This Show. Occasionally you can watch Cooking
with Celebrities Making an Ass Out of Themselves on National TV Makes Me Feel
Better About Myself Because Even I Can Make Scrambled Eggs Without Screwing It
Up, but that’s about it.
Don’t forget to call your mother. Pretend you need advice so
that I can pretend that you didn’t grow up the second I blinked. Send letters
to your family, text siblings, facetime with us when you feel homesick. We will
always be your people. We will always love you. We will always have your back.
(But seriously on the dark alleys and 5 AM jogging thing.)
Love,
Mom
