Dear Daughter: An Open Letter to my Daughter on Her Graduation

Just three short years ago I penned an open letter to my son upon his graduation. Once again I find myself in a similar situation, only this time it’s my daughter that has graduated. Since sons and daughters are very different, I felt like she needed to have her own letter. So here it is:

Dear Daughter: Advice for Leaving the Nest

Dear Daughter,

Yee haw! Sweet, sweet freedom! I know that you, and many other college kids, will have adventures and try new things that your parents won’t hear about for many, many, many, many, MANY years. (And even then it will probably only be because it was accidentally spilled by a co-conspiring sibling/cousin/friend.) While I want you to enjoy college, I do have some advice for you while you find your footing in this big, new world.

Remember that you’re not always going to like everybody. Everybody isn’t always going to like you. This is fine. You don’t have to like someone to be nice. Be the bigger person. Being kind to someone who is trying to be cruel to you will confuse them even more. You don’t want to be the mean girl who inspires an epic Carrie like revenge scene where you end up covered in pig’s blood. (Do you even know how hard it is to get blood out of clothes?) Besides, being nice burns more calories than being mean. Did you believe me when I said that? Because that leads me to this next one…

Don’t be so gullible. Yeah, it’s cute at home when we tease you and you believe us, but other people will take advantage of it. So no matter what that person says, they probably don’t have puppies and candy in that 1980’s panel van. DO NOT go with them. And that guy who says that he’s a talent scout for a modeling agency and can assess your skills, you just have to get naked first…yeah, that’s probably a skeezy perv that you should just stay away from. (No matter what spell check says, skeezy perv is a thing. You don’t want to be one and you don’t want to know one.) This is how probably 50% of CSI/Law and Order/Forensic Files episodes start. The other half involve late night walks down dark alleys and early morning jogging in the most isolated areas that you can find. Please also avoid these scenarios at all costs.

NEVER leave your drink unattended. If you forget this cardinal rule and for some reason do not have eyes on your glass at all times, get a new drink. Yeah, I might sound like a paranoid mom, but you’ve never seen me played by Meredith Baxter in a Hallmark movie about a date rape fraternity house of horrors, now have you? (Because Hallmark will get the rights to any and all movies about women who have terrible things happen to them. I think it’s in their contract somewhere.)

Study. Take a snack break. Study some more. Do your best at all times. Even if you do your best and it’s only a B, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you worked hard for the grade. You don’t want to get a B and wonder if you could have done better if you’d only worked harder. And it WILL be harder. High school leaves you ill prepared for college because they still hold your hand quite a bit. Then you go to college and get a hard shove into the real world with a short, “Good Luck, kid” and a bunch of well wishes. College should be harder than high school though. It’s preparing you for your profession, for your future, for dealing with all sorts of people.

Speaking of people…college is like a candy store. You’ll have a variety to choose from. There will be rich ones and poor ones. Nice ones and mean ones. Gay ones and straight ones. White ones and brown ones. Funny ones and serious ones. Sunny ones and cloudy ones. Weird ones and normal ones. Surround yourself with people who get you. People who lift you up, not bring you down. People who are nice and also like eating ice cream while binge watching Warehouse 13 for the 9^th time. (Okay, if you find that specific of a person, you might want to make them your instant BFF because honestly, what are the odds that there are two of you in this world and you found yourself in the same college?)

Which reminds me.

Binge watch quality shows on Netflix. None of this Real Housewives of Some Town I Don’t Care About or Dancing With Mediocre D List Stars Because All the Real Celebrities Have Real Jobs And Don’t Want to Do This Show. Occasionally you can watch Cooking with Celebrities Making an Ass Out of Themselves on National TV Makes Me Feel Better About Myself Because Even I Can Make Scrambled Eggs Without Screwing It Up, but that’s about it.

Don’t forget to call your mother. Pretend you need advice so that I can pretend that you didn’t grow up the second I blinked. Send letters to your family, text siblings, facetime with us when you feel homesick. We will always be your people. We will always love you. We will always have your back.

(But seriously on the dark alleys and 5 AM jogging thing.)

Love,

Mom