Posts
Ah, politics. Is there any topic
more controversial and forbidden in conversations? For generations, politics
has been a relationship hand grenade, tossed in casually and accidentally, only
to result in catastrophic losses of relationships and sanity. This is true of
any time period in history, but because 2020 has been so extra, naturally
it has been amplified to the nth degree.
Since this is a year
that seems to want to throw all its crazy at us at once, the political system
is a powder keg just waiting to explode. Not to mention that the gloves are off
this year with campaigns becoming cut throat and messy, slinging mud around
like a deranged toddler hopped up on pixie stix. For example, there are 2
Congress candidates who are so busy dumping on their running mate that I couldn’t
actually tell you what their platforms are. What I CAN tell you is that they
text and call my cell phone, call my house, and spam my mailbox with cards and
pamphlets multiple times a day. At this point, the one who is getting my vote
is the one who leaves me the hell alone. Oh, that’s right, I’m keeping a tally
now little missies.
The big storm that’s brewing is, of
course, the presidential race. Personally, I’m not that thrilled with either of
the candidates. Every time I see Joe Biden, I think of that puppet that Jeff
Dunham has, the grumpy old man named Walter. If you’ve ever seen that puppet
and Joe Biden in the same room, I’d be surprised. In fact I’m still not
convinced they aren’t one and the same. It would explain the vague sense of
unease I get whenever I look at him. He kind of reminds me of the creepy old
uncle that gets drunk at the Christmas party and tells inappropriate dirty
jokes that make everyone uncomfortable. Then there’s Donald Trump, which doesn’t
actually need any other description if you’re unlucky enough to currently live
under his sovereign rule in the grand old US of A. He definitely is the creepy
old guy at the party except he’s not telling dirty jokes, he’s talking about
his favorite person (himself obviously) and telling tall tales about his
greatness.
The only good thing to come from
these two were the debates. I mean, it was literally the best reality
television we could watch. Pop some popcorn and pull up a chair folks, because
you aren’t going to want to miss tonight’s episode of Debauchery, Douchery, and
Debates.
(Announcer) The tension in the air
is palpable. Will we find out how many different ways Donald can sabotage Joe’s
speech? Will he cut him off? Will he talk over him? Will Joe ever get two words
in edgewise? And will Joe have the ability to fight back and finish a thought?
Find out tonight on Debauchery, Douchery, and Debates!
I remember being a child, maybe 9
or so, and asking my father who he voted for in the election. The sharp
response of, “None of your business. That’s personal.” was my first clue that
politics make people crazy. That response imprinted on me though and made me liken
politics to buying sanitary products at the store. Sure, you are going to go
with the brand you trust, but you aren’t going to feel good about having to buy
them in such a public place. And for the love of all that’s holy, definitely
don’t make eye contact with the cashier ringing you out. The horror!
So this impression of politics
being a private business has stuck with me all these years. It hasn’t really
affected me much since I haven’t been a super politically driven person. (I’m sure
that it helps that I haven’t liked any candidate as much as Ross Perot. I
wonder what he’s up to? Maybe VH1 can do a presidential candidate version of “Where
Are They Now?”.) Even as I’ve dipped my toes in the political waters and made
it a point to educate myself before voting, I still don’t know that I can
really call myself emotionally vested. Other people apparently do not have
these same reservations. I cannot believe how many people have candidate signs
in their yards, proudly proclaiming their support for Trump or Biden, without
any regard for the secret shame that you are supposed to harbor for overtly liking
ANY candidate. It’s like they don’t even feel the slightest bit of discomfort
at being so public. Yikes. I just can’t figure it out. Don’t they worry that
some anti-supporter will target their house and tp their trees or deface their signs?
I don’t even leave pumpkins on my porch on Cabbage Night in fear that some
dopey kids will trash them in a time honored tradition of dumbassery. Dopey
adults with a holier-than-thou attitude and a chip on their shoulder are WAY
worse.
So navigating this shit show of an
election has been interesting for all of us, but probably not as interesting as
it’s been to my “brand new voter” daughter. She is so excited that this is her
first presidential election that she can participate in. Like carrying around
her voting card in her wallet excited. It’s actually very impressive. I only muster
up that much enthusiasm for chocolate chip cookies and new books. But then again,
I am old and jaded now so it takes a lot more for me to get to actual feeling mustering. I’ve been trying to impress upon her
how important it is to vote for the candidate that she feels most aligns with
her views, but I’m not quite sure that she’s going to find a contestant, I mean nominee, with a cold
brew coffee addiction that watches too much Netflix and treats napping like a
religion. Then again, we ended up with a reality
television president so I guess anything's possible, right?
On a more serious note, no matter what team you're on, make sure you get out there and vote! At the very least you might get a cool sticker out of the deal.
Thank you Google search for adding this image for impact!
Need more mayhem? Find me on
FaceBook (modern mom mayhem)
I can also be found on the Instagrammy (modernmommayhem)
Want to share your stories, dirty
limericks, or just say hi? Send me an email to: modernmommayhem@gmail.com.
