I've Got No Good Vibes From 2021

     Remember at the height of the pandemic when we all wanted to fast forward through to the end when things were getting better and we could breathe a sigh of relief for seeing the light at the end of the tunnel? I think someone forgot to slow back down to real time. Either that or we all failed to recall how busy actual life could be after being on pause for a year.

    To be honest, so far I’m not that impressed with 2021. It’s as if we were all in slow motion and when we snapped back to normal time, the ricochet made everything speed up. It’s the only explanation that I have for why the first day of June is tomorrow when I’m pretty sure we just celebrated New Year’s Eve. The only other possibility is that I am some mega-human about to discover her super powers for the first time and the last six months are just the boring back story until my life gets super interesting and strange as I test out these new abilities. (Which ok, wouldn’t suck. Unless it was some lame superpower, like the ability to stay awake during foreign subtitled films.)

    The real pisser is that our parents all told us how fast time went and not to wish our lives away and we all did it anyway. Now here we are, adults, going through the same warp speed living, and being annoyed that our parents were right. The only positive in this is that we now get to annoy our own children with the same admonishments. These will fall on the same deaf ears. And they will have the same “Aw, crap!” moment many years from now. Like Sir Elton John once crooned, “It’s the circle of life.”

    What is ironic is that I never seem to learn that Mother Nature and Fate have weekly get togethers and figure out ways to make me lose my mind. Because if it’s not the super speed life that makes six months go by in a blink, it’s the thwarting of plans that we try to make. After a weird weather winter where we weren’t sure if she was going to let us escape her cold, dead grip, we had five minutes of spring and skipped straight to unseasonably warm temperatures. Lest you think that you’ll accomplish anything however, we will make sure that the only nice weather weekends are when you are busy. Any other times where you have delusions of accomplishment, it will rain and/or be much colder than the season should be.

    It’s like that saying, “Life is what happens when you make plans.” I’m convinced that this was 100% said by a frustrated parent trying to fit everything into their schedule and failing miserably. This was totally someone like me who was pissed off by the 3 day weekend that was supposed to result in all the gardening, planting and mulching to be done. Until it rained the entire time and had temperatures in the 40’s. (There was a freaking frost advisory for cripe’s sake! At the end of May!) Oooh, wait, today will make it all the way up into the 50’s! Break out the swimsuits people, it’s a heat wave!

    It’s almost June and Mother Nature is drunk again. Proving that we cannot, in fact, have nice things. Or that someone has to put a stop to the girls gone wild weekends she’s been participating in that’s making her unpredictable.

    It’s not just this sole occurrence that’s got me as frustrated as a toddler trying to put their left shoe on their right foot. I’m behind on my spring cleaning (it’s probably going to be fall cleaning at this rate) and I don't think that I've ever seen the end of my to-do list. On top of that, I keep forgetting to buy a lottery ticket, making my dream of leaving this 9-5 drudgery behind me a futile pipe dream. (Not to mention those un-manifested super powers that I mentioned before. I’m waiting….)

    So, no, 2021 isn’t giving me any warm, fuzzy feelings. We won’t be singing songs around the campfire and making s’mores anytime soon, I can tell you that. Most likely I’m going to block 2021 in my contacts list and drown my sorrows in rocky road while lamenting my complete averageness. Unless OCD is my superpower. Then I’m totally rocking this.

 

 

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