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Once upon a time, I eagerly looked forward to
September, if only because it meant that my kids went back to school. Now,
however, I have a mixture of dread and excitement. This leaves me unsure of how
I really feel about the impending month change.
On one hand, who isn’t ready for
crunchy leaves and pumpkin muffins? Or apple pies and football? First day of
school photos and shiny new sneakers? Ever since I was a child myself,
September has carried that excitement of new classes, new teachers, and, most
importantly, notebooks that haven’t been written in yet. (Yup, once a nerd,
always a nerd.) Now that I am a parent, I get to experience that same
excitement through my children, though admittedly they aren’t always as
enthusiastic as I am about it. (Apparently not everyone feels like I do about
clean notebooks. I just don’t get it.)
But on the other hand, I am fairly
confident that the school year is what has been speeding time up. Tomorrow it’s
September 1 but then you blink and it’s June again. So am I really excited for
this time thief month to arrive? Hmm, not so much.
On one hand, I really need the
clothing layers that cooler weather brings. I’m tired of sucking my stomach in.
I need the blubber camouflage that only a sweater or a flannel can bring. And
I’m pretty sure that I’m REALLY going to need that camouflage once the fall
comfort foods kick in. Soups, stews, casseroles, holiday delectables, pastas,
breads, and more holiday treats. I want all of them. But it means I need to
break out my casual pants and cardigans for this endeavor to be successful.
On the other hand, if I eat all the
bad foods, I need to do all the bad exercise. Is there anything more torturous
than exercise? Ugh. Why couldn’t I have born one of those weirdos who have the
metabolism of a 5 year old their entire lives? Is that so much to ask for? If I
can’t have that metabolism, then I need someone to put Sweating to the Oldies in a 90’s hip hop version. (Hey, my oldies aren’t Richard Simmons’ oldies. What are
you going to do?)
And on another hand, where am I
getting all these hands from?
Seriously, though, points in favor
of September…. Apple picking. Pumpkin flavored everything. Beautiful fall foliage. <SINGING> Are you ready
for some football?
Counter points that show
September’s darker more evil side… Shorter days. Less sunshine. The death of summer. <SINGING> All the leaves are brown, and the skies are gray.
I guess I’m just going to have to
clone myself so that one of me can hate September and one of me can love it.
(Though I promise the clone me will have a better name than Dolly. #clonehumor)
Until then, I guess I can only hope that one day my kids know the joy of buying
college ruled notebooks for twenty nine cents and frothing with imagination over all the things that they can one day write in them.
Need even more mayhem? Find me
on that there FaceBook thing (modernmommayhem)
Or find me on the Instagram doohickey
(@modernmommayhem)
Want to send me a personal
note, a comment, or give me a fantastic new pun to add to my collection? (I
failed Math so many times in school that I can’t even count.) Send a
message to modernmommayhem@gmail.com
