September's Split Personality

            Once upon a time, I eagerly looked forward to September, if only because it meant that my kids went back to school. Now, however, I have a mixture of dread and excitement. This leaves me unsure of how I really feel about the impending month change.

On one hand, who isn’t ready for crunchy leaves and pumpkin muffins? Or apple pies and football? First day of school photos and shiny new sneakers? Ever since I was a child myself, September has carried that excitement of new classes, new teachers, and, most importantly, notebooks that haven’t been written in yet. (Yup, once a nerd, always a nerd.) Now that I am a parent, I get to experience that same excitement through my children, though admittedly they aren’t always as enthusiastic as I am about it. (Apparently not everyone feels like I do about clean notebooks. I just don’t get it.)

But on the other hand, I am fairly confident that the school year is what has been speeding time up. Tomorrow it’s September 1 but then you blink and it’s June again. So am I really excited for this time thief month to arrive? Hmm, not so much.

On one hand, I really need the clothing layers that cooler weather brings. I’m tired of sucking my stomach in. I need the blubber camouflage that only a sweater or a flannel can bring. And I’m pretty sure that I’m REALLY going to need that camouflage once the fall comfort foods kick in. Soups, stews, casseroles, holiday delectables, pastas, breads, and more holiday treats. I want all of them. But it means I need to break out my casual pants and cardigans for this endeavor to be successful.

On the other hand, if I eat all the bad foods, I need to do all the bad exercise. Is there anything more torturous than exercise? Ugh. Why couldn’t I have born one of those weirdos who have the metabolism of a 5 year old their entire lives? Is that so much to ask for? If I can’t have that metabolism, then I need someone to put Sweating to the Oldies in a 90’s hip hop version. (Hey, my oldies aren’t Richard Simmons’ oldies. What are you going to do?)

And on another hand, where am I getting all these hands from?

Seriously, though, points in favor of September…. Apple picking. Pumpkin flavored everything. Beautiful fall foliage. <SINGING> Are you ready for some football?

Counter points that show September’s darker more evil side… Shorter days. Less sunshine. The death of summer. <SINGING> All the leaves are brown, and the skies are gray.

I guess I’m just going to have to clone myself so that one of me can hate September and one of me can love it. (Though I promise the clone me will have a better name than Dolly. #clonehumor) Until then, I guess I can only hope that one day my kids know the joy of buying college ruled notebooks for twenty nine cents and frothing with imagination over all the things that they can one day write in them.

 

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