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As a proud parent of athletic boys, I was a little surprised and dismayed to hear that high school sports participation is declining, not just in our area but across the country.
I’m sure that there are a variety of factors that have contributed to this decline: lack of funding and equipment, lack of volunteers for coaching, and the increase of digital consumption to name a few. But if I had to hazard a guess as to the main reason, it’s the parents.
In my experience as a sports parent and frequent spectator at these events, there are 4 main types of sports parents: The quiet supporter, the snowflake protector, the one living vicariously through their child, and the aggressive sports douche that you thought only existed in sports movies. (Surprise! They were actually based on real life events!)
Obviously, the quiet supporter is the parent that shows up to support their child and knows how to behave and be quiet. They aren’t there to make a spectacle, will never mutter a word related to “bad calls”, and the word “unfair” will never pass their lips. You’ll usually find them off to the side or sitting away from most of the crowd. They are there to watch their kid and enjoy the moment.
Until the other 3 types of sports parents join the party. Yup, they are the entire reason why we can’t have nice things.
The snowflake protector is the parent who never thinks that their kid does anything wrong. They are the most perfect specimen and the standard that every other child should be measuring themselves against. Nothing is ever their fault, and they are never held accountable for their actions. These parents don’t promote learning teamwork because their snowflake is the most special and important player. They are the type to go on social media and criticize coaches, teammates, and the world in general for ruining their kids’ experiences or demand meetings with school principals when poor grades or actions bench their kid.
These parents think that they are doing their child a favor by being their “biggest cheerleader” when in fact, they are doing their child a huge disservice. This kid is going to be wholly unprepared for the real world that doesn’t give out participation trophies and only rewards those who put in the work. They are going to have problems with people in authority when mommy and daddy can’t be there to swoop in after “mistakes” to place the blame on someone else. They are going to grow up with a sense of entitlement, and the real world is going to say “Hold my beer” while it doles out a case of knocking this punk kid down a peg.
The vicarious parent is living through their child in one of two ways: Either they are reliving their former athletic glory days, or they were never athletic and wistful about it. (Cue sad montage of an awkward kid sitting on the sidelines, watching their classmates play sportsball while they are sad and pensive.) These parents are generally harmless but can be annoying in their overachieving need to have a great child athlete and like to coach from the sidelines. I once saw a parent tell their child to move their position on the baseball field that directly contradicted what the coach had told the kid. But since it was his dad, who was he to argue? (This is probably 85% of the frustration of being a youth sports coach.) These kinds of parents are the reason I mutter “Let the coaches coach” at least once per every single game I’ve ever attended.
Sometimes, however, the vicarious parent crosses over into aggressive sports douche territory. This is the parent who is yelling criticism at his kid during the game, loudly complaining about the ref’s calls, or making jeering comments about the opposing team’s players. These meatheads, male OR female, are the worst kind of people and sincerely need to be reminded that these are CHILDREN. An adult making negative commentary or insults about any child is just an abusive bully. Act your age and get a freaking grip. This is a sport with school aged participants. These kids aren’t pros. They aren’t being paid millions for their performance. They are being taught skills and teamwork by volunteers who are taking time away from their own lives and families. They are not asking to be berated by Donny D-bag whose only current skill is being loudly aggressive and a moron. Sometimes it’s Danielle D-bag getting in on the action though. Cheering too loudly when the opposing teams makes a bad play or when the pitcher strikes out a kid. There is a difference between being supportive and being passive aggressive. If your “cheerleading” relies on putting someone else down, well, that’s not support, that’s back into bullying territory.
I’d like to say that this is solely the behavior of high school sports parents, but it’s not. At my son’s most recent 12U baseball game, the opposing team’s coaches were berating their kids and the parents were aggressive in their whoops and cheers for an overthrow from our boys. It’s at that point that I just begin to feel sorry for those kids. What kind of example are those immature people setting? Do they think that yelling at the ref for his “bad calls” is helpful to their child's team? The refs, may I point out, that are also volunteering their time so that your kid can play this sport?
While I am fortunate enough to tune most of the negativity out, sometimes I tune back in to catch snippets of conversations that make me chuckle or scratch my head. I present the following gems that were overheard at my son's last game:
“I’m going to wear my house coat….AGAIN.” (Zero context for this, which made it even funnier.)
“Let’s go Killer!”
<Growling>
(Opposing coach to their pitcher) “Remember that game in coach pitch when I hit you because the sun was in your eyes? (Was this his version of a pep talk??)
“Put some sauce on that meatball!”
(Opposing coach in their dugout) “There needs to be a hero in every game.” (Way to teach teamwork champ. Eyeroll)
I really do think that golf is onto something by making their spectators be silent. And if they can’t put both their phone AND their mouth on silent, the bouncer gets to eject them from the viewing arena posthaste. Can somebody please make this happen?
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