Random Thoughts That Keep Me Up at Night

             I’ve never been one of those people who can go to bed at night and be asleep in 4.6 seconds. My style is more like “contemplate every single thing you haven’t had time to think about during the day because you were too busy”. Here is some of the stupid stuff that runs around my brain when I can’t fall asleep right away.

What is the point of FaceBook hacking? Can someone explain this to me? I could understand if it was only rich and famous people getting hacked but Norma Smith from Idaho, a 67 year old pinochle playing grandmother? What does she have to offer? Are you just dying to get her family recipe for tuna noddle casserole?

FaceBook hacking became so common that they now offer 2 factor authentication. (For those of you not in the technology know, that means there are 2 different methods of verifying it’s really you, usually a cell phone number or another email address.) I have to assume that the 2 factor authentication is successful since I’ve gotten a few text messages from someone trying to hack my FaceBook. The good thing about this is that now I can be aware of when someone is trying to hack me instead of being blissfully unaware like I was previously. It’s a real boost to the self-esteem to know that someone thinks that I’m important enough to hack.

The bigger question is, why FaceBook? I mean, I’m not trying to encourage hacking in any way but is FaceBook the best use of those skills? Think Matthew Broderick in “War Games” level hacking. Make it something super epic and insist that someone cool portray you in the movie they’ll make about it. Like Ryan Reynolds. (I mean, is there anything that man can’t do?)

You know another thing that chaps my ass? These idiot men who cheat on their smoking hot wives. The latest scandal involves Adam Levine. If you don’t know who that is, you have been living under a rock, or maybe you just have a rare form of amnesia that affects forgetting pop music icons. So this lead singer of Maroon 5 is married to a Super model. They have 2 kids and she’s currently incubating the third. (Yeah, awesome time for this type of scandal to surface, right?) Who the hell cheats on their SUPER MODEL wife? And if he would cheat on a woman who looks like that, I’m sure the rest of us average Janes should probably just pack it in right now.

And for those that would argue that sending a bunch of flirty texts or “just a kiss” isn’t cheating, I call bullshit. The intention is there. Are you telling me that if any one of these flirty women didn’t give the green light to jump her bones that he would draw a hard moral line there? Yeah, I don’t see it. What kills me is that I don’t even think he’s that good looking. Granted, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that but seriously, all I can see is an ex-high school nerd who found success and let it go to his head. (A super model for God’s sake.) I don’t know, I just don’t get it.

Here’s another brain blaster. Do you know those stupid “One gotta go” posts that you see on social media? Usually it’s a series of photos of things and you have to choose for one thing to go. Like out of 4 desserts: apple pie, chocolate cake, cheesecake, and chocolate chip cookies. Why do I have to get rid of one? Who is making me do this? What if I want all 4 desserts? What happens then? What happens if I want to have my cake and eat it too? (har de har har)

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only purpose of these posts is to sow dissension. Because you know that most people have really strong feelings about everything and they feel the need to ram their opinions down your throat, you know, because that will change your mind to match theirs. So what will start as a debate on which season is the worst has the potential to devolve into an ugly fight with name calling and slinging insults. (And yes, I will be grabbing the popcorn to watch things get real. I’m only human you know. Plus I enjoy free entertainment.)

I just realized that there are so many things that I think of at night and that this blog could turn into a novel. So I will wrap it up with this one last thought: Why can’t women’s sizing be the same as men’s sizing? Why can they walk into a store and buy a pair of jeans that are tailored specifically to their leg length and waist width and women have to choose a pair using a single number? And that number is not going to fit the same depending on what store you go to either. A size 10 is different at JC Penney as it is in Old Navy. What kind of creepy psychological torturer came up with women’s sizing? Do we not have length and width the same as men? You’d think, considering that women have multiple curvy areas, that they would have been more interested in making sure that women’s clothing was more accurate. Of course, these are probably the same people who design bras and those are a never ending delight to wear as well. (She said with heavy sarcasm.)

For those of you who share my talent for thinking of inane thoughts while you are trying to fall asleep, feel free to share some of the best, funniest, or most absurd ones. (I’d really be interested in knowing that I’m not the only one having Jack Handey’s deep thoughts in the twilight hours.) Until I invent a cure for sleeping blissfully like a baby (or a man), I guess I’ll just keep these midnight ponderings.

 

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