The Best Worst Kid Products

If you thought that terrible products were only for grown ups, think again! I recently came across an article titled "13 Bizarre Baby and Kids Products You Won't Believe Exist".
(http://moms.popsugar.com/13-Bizarre-Baby-Kid-Products-28444561?image_nid=28444561)
Do you know why you won't believe they exist? Because after you get over the fact that someone was stupid enough to conceptualize this product, you now have to swallow that someone actually put it into production. What retail gems are they making for your little bundle of joy? How about:

The potty ride on toy.  Yes, because potty training with a stationary potty seat just wasn't challenging enough. We need to give the kid a moving target. And what parent wouldn't want a toy that collects shit....literally?

Baby bangs. Is your five month old embarrassed to go to play dates because of that giant bald cranium she's sporting? Never again suffer the humiliation of being the baldest baby at the ball with baby bangs....the wigs made just for babies!

The Baby Snuggle. If you're a fan of the movie "Alien", then this product is for you. Part baby harness, part Snuggie, this innovative product is one slip away from total infant suffocation. As an added bonus, baby looks like she's an alien about to burst forth from your body!

Poop and T.P. Plush Toys. Do you feel that your child's plush toy collection is lackluster? Why not add this adorable toy poop and toilet paper to his cache? Because every parent wants their child to learn that those two things are fun things to play with, am I right?

Placenta Teddy Bear. Can you think of anything cuddlier than a woman's placenta that's been dried, cured, and sewn into this creepy version of a teddy bear? Apparently this company couldn't. I'm pretty sure the slogan for this product could be "Scarring emotionally healthy children everywhere."

The Breastfeeding Doll. Okay, I get that this could be deemed "educational". But I deem it creepy.  I'm not even completely sure who this doll's target market is. Teens sold into the slavery with the sole purpose of birthing heirs to third world country drug lords?

Baby Perfume. Perfect for those babies who constantly smell like formula and Desitin. Hide those unseemly infant odors with baby perfume. (And silly old me thought baby perfume was Johnson and Johnson's applied after a bath!)

The Birthing Doll. Do you want to graphically portray the birthing process to your baby/toddler/husband? For a low $200, you can have this hand stitched model. (This is disturbing on so many levels.)

Potty Training Dolls. Yes, we needed more ways to ensure that our toddler would find the bathroom process hilarious and interesting. While we're at it, let's give a round of applause for the idiot who designed a toy with the sole function of making a mess.

The Toddler Helmet. Now there's a way to indulge your insane paranoia as well as make your baby the laughingstock of daycare. Lets's face it folks, unless you're playing a sport, wearing a helmet in public isn't a sign of a good thing. This is bringing baby proofing to a whole new, and slightly disconcerting, level.

The Time Out Pad. As a society, I guess we ran out of things to make electronic so we started making things up. Or is society deciding that time outs are too harsh on our child's psyche now too? I'm not sure what the thought behind this was, but if it turns "time outs" into a game then I think we missed the mark people.

The Pee Pee Teepee. I need this one explained to me. No, I'm serious. I just don't get it.

The Zaky Infant Pillow. I'm not sure if this is a pair of hands connected together or just two large brown, stuffed hands. Either way it's uber creepy. I'm not sure what this is supposed to solve. Your baby's wild roly poly ways? His unwavering belief that muppets exist?

All these bad ideas are exhausting. Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for a nap. Now where did I put my Placentabear?

Can someone please explain these?