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Sometimes I
think my job is getting in the way of my life. Ok, well, mostly I KNOW this,
but there are times when it seems clearer to me. (Like when I wake up first
thing in the morning and everything is blurry because I took my contacts out,
but then I put my glasses on and I can see again and I’m struck by how clearly
I can see things just by wearing this piece of plastic and glass…..yeah, like
that but not really.)
One of those
crystal clear times is when I Pinterest. Is that a verb now? I’m very
Pinteresting. (See what I did there?) And usually I’m there by accident. Not
even the slightest bit on purpose. It’s all the damn phone’s fault. Or maybe
Pinterest is the reason. Whatever. I see that little red 1 next to the app
which tells me that something stupid happened, something like “Aunt Ethel liked
your Pin” or cousin “Allison created a board called Puppets”. I don’t care
about the pins and the boards, it’s the stupid red number one that needs to go
the hell away. So I click on the app.
Boom. It
happens.
They’ve
tailored that front page based on things you’ve looked at and pins you’ve
pinned. How do you not get sucked into that? Before you know it, you’ve wasted
an hour. An hour and a half. Half a day. You’re pinning things to boards like
“Desserts” and “New Recipes” and “DIY Crafts” but let’s be honest, it’s never
going to happen. To my way of seeing it, there are three types of Pinterest
people. The first group is full of those overachieving,
must-make-every-aspect-of-my-life-perfect kind of people. (You know, where 99%
of the pins come from in the first place.) These people actually DO make the
foods and craft the crafts. It always comes out perfectly. Oh, and they
probably crap roses and bleed rainbows too. The second group is your marginally
talented and/or motivated group. They’re the ones who go on specifically for
ideas on something and will probably pull it off fairly well. It might not be
Martha Stewart quality, but it’s also not Honey Boo Boo-esque either. Your last
group is well meaning dreamers. They like the idea of baking the baked goods
and crafting the crafts, but the closest they’re probably coming to completion
is finalizing the name of the board they pinned it too. They mean well, but
let’s face it, they aren’t going to do anything with the information. This
isn’t to say that they never will, but it’s probably around 97.8% of the time.
I seem to fall
somewhere in between the second and third categories. I have gone hunting for specific
ideas (mostly party planning or recipes) but more often than not, I fall into
the time vortex that comes along with the Pinterest app. The saddest thing is,
I KNOW I’m probably not doing anything with these ideas. Sure, I have a whole
section of re-purposed furniture. Sure, theoretically I have the opportunity to
make this crap. If I had time and money and spare furniture laying around. But
they know I’ve succumbed to the lure of re-purposing. They know they can throw a
headboard bench on that first page and it’s going to stop me in my tracks. They
are clever like that. Which is often what makes me think, ‘I would have time
for this stuff…..if only I didn’t have to work. Stupid job.”
Another place
I find this to be true is FaceBook. Ah, the good old capital F capital B.
Putting out videos of tasty treats and heartwarming dog videos for unsuspecting
moms like me. And I get there the same way, too. That damn red number next to
the app. Usually telling me someone commented on my post or liked my picture or
any of a thousand asinine reasons they decide I need a notification. (I know, I
know, I shouldn’t let them bother me so much and I’d probably gain back a few
months of time.) I find that I watch more cute babies, funny pets, and cooking
demos now that FaceBook has started the automatic video thing. I’m just
scrolling my way down and then BAM! Instant video. So they catch me with some
line like “Doctors said Amanda would never walk” and a picture of a sad little
girl in a hospital bed and before I know it, I’m crying and snotting all over
myself and I’ve lost another seven minutes of my life.
Or worse, I’m
sabotaging my diet by watching people make “easy” or “quick” recipes and by the
time they get to the finished product, I’m starving. I wasn’t thinking about
food before, but now it’s all I can think about. Now I want Copycat Olive
Garden Alfredo and chocolate peppermint squares! Ohmygod I’m going to get the
stuff at the store tomorrow and totally make them!!!
No, I’m not.
I’m going to
realize that I don’t have time, energy, or motivation to make new foods and
that even if I did, my kids are going to pitch a fit, ask what’s in it 3,000
times and then probably refuse to eat it. I’m going to stick to making the same
old meals and desserts that I know they will eat because it makes me happy and
that I don’t have to be awake to cook because I’ve done it so many times I can
do it on auto pilot. But for a few minutes, I begin to think there is an end to
my perpetual food rut.
Which is when
I think, “Well, if I didn’t have to work, I’d have plenty of time to try new
recipes.”
I think I'll go buy a lottery ticket.
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