I’m Definitely Living in a Haunted House

 

For years, judging by the amount of laundry I do every week, I have been convinced that there are people living here that hide when I’m around. And now I am certain that we have an extra housemate, a ghost. Granted he may not be adding to my copious amounts of laundry (being transparent and all) but he’s definitely not house trained. I have, however, learned his name. It’s “NotMe”.

In my defense, I haven’t actually seen this ghastly ghosty. He seems to have shown himself to my kids and my husband though, since they talk about him constantly.

“Who left the basement light on?”

“NotMe!”

“Who left the milk on the counter?”

“NotMe!”

“Ewww, gross, who didn’t flush this?!?!?”

“NotMe!”

As you can see, for an incorporeal being, he manages to create a lot of mayhem up in here. I’m not sure that we really needed any more chaos, but apparently NotMe seems to disagree. Everywhere I turn, NotMe is leaving toys on the floor, clothes on the couch, or glasses on the table. I guess I kind of understand where he’s coming from. I mean, if I was dead and stuck living with a bunch of flesh and blood beings that taunted me with their whole “living and breathing” talents, I’d probably cause some ruckus too. Especially if my bored existence wasn’t letting me go into the light CarolAnn.

Another thing that I have learned about him is that he must be an old ghost who’s been around awhile because he knows everything. Just last night I asked my family, “Does anyone know where the marker for the dry erase calendar went?”

Immediately I was told, “NotMe!”  

“Who knows what happened to the bag of chips that was in the cupboard yesterday?”

“NotMe!”

Now, this poses a problem because he not only hasn’t shown himself to me, but I highly doubt that he is able to verbally communicate with us, being an apparition and all. (At least I am sincerely hoping that he cannot communicate. That would seriously up the creepiness factor and make me want to run screaming from our house in a hurry.)

This also makes me wonder how they know that NotMe knows everything. Or are they just blaming this poor ghoul who cannot defend himself? Maybe he’s not causing pandemonium out of boredom, maybe it’s anger. Perhaps he’s irate that he is the one taking the fall for their actions. Or maybe he is the one responsible and he is thinking, “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!”

Personally, I can only hope that if he can manifest himself long enough to create havoc in my house by taking items, turning on lights, and leaving clothing all over the place, that he can be taught to vacuum. Or at least put the dishes in the dishwasher. Hey, a girl can dream, right?