Road Trip: The Ultimate Personality Test

I feel like you can tell a lot about a person based on their driving style on long road trips. For instance, I tend to be cautious when I drive. I drive above the speed limit, but only by a few miles. I “stay in the left lane except for passing”, merge well before the lane is closed ahead, and obey pretty much all the other traffic laws like the good little rule follower that I am.

 And it is precisely this reason that makes me crazy and stressed when I drive in other states where these maniacs, who CLEARLY got their license out of a cracker jack box, are driving 90 miles per hour, switching lanes willy nilly without so much as a thought of using their directional signal, and waiting until the eleventh hour to jump in that merge lane, even though they knew it was coming just like all the rest of us who saw the LED sign a mile ago. People who love structure and rules will NEVER be happy on a road trip, mostly because there are always going to be those psychopaths in those 4 wheeled tin cans who think that speed limits are merely just suggestions and that the 8 inches of space in front of you is perfectly fine for them to slide on in there. Not to mention that these same sociopaths seem to have the exact same travel schedule that we do. (Lucky for us!)

 My husband, on the other hand, does NOT like to let anyone get ahead of him. He takes it quite personally if someone even thinks about it. And while I really don’t like to let those idiots in front of me, the ones who drive 80 to get ahead of someone after the ‘left lane closed in one mile, merge right” sign, my husband will make it his personal life quest to hang those morons out to dry. Not that I don’t think they deserve it. (Hey, I said I was cautious, not a pushover!) But he will ride that bumper of the car in front of us, swearing fealty to some unbeknownst to me traffic god to uphold the good name of all the fellow non-idiot travelers and serve that cold dish of justice.

It was during one of these road trips that I found out that my passenger side brakes DO NOT work.

My blood pressure elevation DOES work. Really well.

And I am pretty sure that there is some unwritten law that you HAVE to argue with your spouse about something on a road trip. Probably after a day of driving when you’re cranky, tired, and holding in a fart that you’re almost certain would probably kill an ox. Road trips only promote a bonding experience because there’s nowhere to freaking go. You’re stuck together in this rolling metal rectangle. Mile after mile. State after state. Highway after highway.

This year I also found out that my family can annoy me by ignoring me. Yes, the thing that I pray for any other time in my life, irks the hell out of me on a road trip. Mostly because I get carsick and can’t do anything other than, well, drive, without getting nauseous. So when the kids both have their headphones on watching tv (lucky) and the husband is snoring in the passenger seat (luckier), and I’m over here trying to twiddle my thumbs and steer at the same time, it apparently pushes my buttons. (See, who says you can’t learn new things about yourself?) I’m pretty sure that this was a culmination of my intense hatred for the Carolinas (Why must you only have two damned lanes? WHY?), a numb ass cheek (Thanks a lot stupid sciatica.), and everyone else getting to ignore the rolling miles while I am over here trying to make them go away as fast as possible.

Back to my original statement though. I truly feel like your personality is manifested in your driving style. My husband has always been more of a risk taking, speak his mind kind of person. I’ve always tried to just keep my head down, follow rules, and avoid confrontation if at all possible. So when he drives, he’s more comfortable with risk taking (“Drive it like you stole it!”) and I’m more confident in my stay out of the line of fire of the imbeciles driving 90. (Quick sidebar: Wy does every state ignore their own speed limits? Then they’re pissed at you for only going 5 miles over the speed limit when you should be driving at least 20 mph over like they want to, if only you weren’t in their way. I mean the nerve of you, following posted speed limit laws. The nerve!)

 Now that we have spent all that quality time together, we need a break. Let’s go back to our real life where we are too busy to talk to each other because we are working, educating, and running to kids sporting events. Talk to you at the next vacation.

 

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