December Doldrums Strike Again

You know how sometimes you hear a quote or see something it feels like someone is seeing into your brain and capturing your thoughts? I saw a meme the other day that resonated with me. If you wondering what profound, deep, meaningful meme I may be referencing, it’s this:

Yup, it’s true. I don’t know why the days between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day seem like a big, black void, but they do. Christmas, with all its magic and splendor is over, but the bright, shiny New Year has yet to arrive in all its glory. (Though to be fair, in the Northeast it’s more of a “gray, cold and wet glory” than “shiny”.)

Exactly why do we seem to eat our way through an entire week? Are we still in the “holiday spirit”? Are we buckling under the presence of all the treats and sweets that have made their way into our homes? Did we let the beast out of the cage and can’t manage to wrest that jerk back in to shut and lock that door with triple deadbolts? Are we depressed that our house looks sad and pathetic after removing our festive garlands and lights and decorations? (Seriously, why does my home seem so lackluster now? Does this lead to more people redecorating their homes? Is there an HGTV show called “Help! My Home is Ugly without Christmas?” Uh, wait, what was my point again….)

And as if the empty, decoration less house and post-holiday blahs aren’t sad enough, all stores are starting to advertise the exercise equipment. Nothing signals the end of a good time quite like dumbbells and treadmills. Retailers are quite literally telling us to stop feeding our fat faces and take a walk. “Hey lardo, time to drop that weight you gained shoving Christmas cookies in your mouth for the last 3 weeks before you completely clog your arteries.” It’s almost like they know that “Lose weight” is on 75% of all of our resolution lists and they’re taking advantage of our current self-loathing to make a quick buck. Those canny, evil geniuses.

Personally, it’s not just the end of Christmas that’s disappointing to me, but also the expectations of New Year’s Eve. Everyone makes big plans for celebrations on December 31 and I used to be right up there with them. It was a tradition to stuff ourselves silly, play board games, and stay up to midnight to watch the ball drop. As I get older though, my feelings are more like, “Meh. It’ll still be a new year the next day, right? I’m going to bed.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to stuff myself silly and play board games and have fun, I just may or may not make it til midnight. I know I know, I’m turning into Maxine before my very eyes. Or maybe that old lady from the Steel Magnolias movie. She was sassy AND grumpy. But she told it like it was.

Outside of eating everything not nailed down during the void week, it also seems like a strange time period. Many offices are empty because of people who are using their time off. Banks and grocery stores are operating on different hours. Schools are closed so your kids are probably making you pull your hair out with all the noisy and/or annoying Christmas gifts they received. (You know, now that I think about it, it’s amazing that every parent has not turned into Ouiser yet. All the ingredients are there man, I’m telling you. Also, if you are like me, you’re just realizing that’s how they spelled her name for the movie and it’s super weird, right?)

Perhaps New Year’s Eve is a celebration for surviving the void week. Maybe that’s why everyone is so happy to see January 1 pop up on the calendar. It’s like saying, “Phew. We made it through the darkest, saddest, and strangest week of the year. Let’s have cake and cocktails.” (That would be an amazing restaurant idea. Just dessert and alcoholic beverages. Fruity umbrella drinks and pretty, frosted petit fours. Can someone make this happen? And close enough to me so that I can enjoy it? Thank you in advance.)

So for all my fellow survivors, buck up kids. We got this. And if we don’t, at the very least we can procure some cake and cocktails and pretend that we do. Happy End of December and Viva La 2023!