I'm Sorry, I Just Don't Speak the Language

 If you have a teenager, you know that it can be akin to living with an alien being. If, by chance, you have a *normal* teenager, then this article might not be for you. If, however, you are like the rest of us teenager parents, scratching your heads at the thoughts, actions, and overall general behavior, then feel free to settle in for a while. I can promise you that if you don’t find something in common with my story, you might at least feel better about your own teenager.

While I’m sure that your child has their own special way of driving you insane, (Finding that hot button is, after all, one of their specialties.) we can probably agree that we have to chant a mantra to get us through some trying moments in their teenagedom. If you don’t have a mantra to get you through these trying times, I highly suggest one. (Mine is “IlovemykidsIlovemykidsIlovemykidsIlovemykidsIlovemykids rapidly and repeatedly. I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince myself or other people, but hey, it gets the job done.)

Sure, I know that teenagers can’t be pigeonholed into a one-size-fits-all box. It’s just that, yeah, most of them can. Even if they don’t have ALL the attributes ALL of the time, they probably have moments. I’m curious though. Which one is the most maddening and why is it their communication? (Or lack thereof.) Now, you’re probably thinking I’m talking about the colloquial slang that every generation adopts but you’d be juiced, bruh. (No, I did not look up slang terms on urban dictionary just to make a relevant point. I mean, who would do that? Other than smart and savvy mom bloggers that is.) Sure, this slang can be a language barrier but it’s more the lack of the use of words that’s frustrating. Like, hello, use your big boy words! Sometimes, I fondly remember the days when he would tell me a story that would take half an hour. Usually after receiving a three word essay (believe me, that’s an essay now) in response to a question like “How was your day?”

It’s almost as if there’s an avoidance with using verbal communication once they hit a certain age. Is this in the Teenage Handbook? I don’t remember that part. Not because it’s been so long since I had my own copy of that handbook, just that they’ve probably updated it a *few* times since my edition was in print. Sometimes, if I ask two consecutive questions, he acts like it’s the Spanish Inquisition. Dude, maybe I wouldn’t have to ask so many questions if you could give me more than monosyllabic answers. And why do they get annoyed at US when we are trying to get this information? Did I miss the part where I was psychic and am just supposed to get the information directly out of his brain? Which also wouldn’t work because I’m pretty sure the answers aren’t there. Unfortunately, “I don’t know” gets used when he does in fact know as much as when there is literally not a single know in his cranium, so we can’t really tell if it’s the truth.

As parents, we’ve been encouraging our children to talk since before their first word, so I’m not sure where the break down occurs. I believe he was speaking entire sentences last year. Or was that two years ago? Now those were the ”good ole days”.

I guess my consolation is that at least he's not a teenage girl. (Been there, done that!) Add hormones into that pubescent storm that is teenagerhood and it's like a powder keg. One wrong move and you've incited tears. Or insulted their very being. Plus, the Handbook for teenage girls gives in depth instructions on how to level the scariest dead ass stares at you. The kind that make your soul shiver and your nervous system clench. So, yeah, upside. But, uh, yeah. Sorry about you girl moms out there. If they aren't to the teenage stage yet, I was just kidding! They stay sunshine and puppies always. For those of you in the trenches though, stay strong. You got this. 

No cap.

Need more mayhem? Find me on FaceBook at Modern Mom Mayhem.

I’m also over there on Instagram @modernmommayhem.

Want to share your funny parenting fails, parenting wins or your own teenager woe story? Send an email to modernmommayhem@gmail.com.