My Theories Could Use a Conspiracy

          Comedian Ron Funches has a monologue (Skit? Set? Bit?) where he’s talking about someone who doesn’t believe in conspiracy theories and he replies, “I understand not believing in ALL of them, but you don’t believe in ANY of them? You think that the government is just batting a thousand?”

If you have never heard it, it’s quite funny. Not only because it’s true, but also because Funches has delivery and comedic timing down to a T. While I am not a tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy theorist, I do enjoy a good conspiracy. Maybe it’s my love of spooky, paranormal crap. Or perhaps it’s because they’re interesting. Whatever the reason, I do enjoy some of them.

Now, before you come for me, I’m not talking about the whacked ones. I don’t think that Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson are still alive and in hiding. I’m not claiming the moon landing was fake or that the Government is hiding proof of aliens…oh wait, that one was actually on 2023’s bingo card. Scratch that. All I’m saying is that a well thought out, coincidental conspiracy theory adds a little spice to life. Some je ne sais quoi if you will. (I think that's French for "all that and a bag of chips".)

The idea that is currently holding me enthralled is that The Simpson’s, you know the animated show that’s been on since the 1900’s, has some sort of predictive superpowers. They are apparently the Nostradamus of cartoons. And while it may sound too crazy to be true, the parallels that I have seen have truly induced a thought provoking “well I’ll be darned” and even a “That’s just crazy!”.

Now whether or not this is just some creative editing, I don’t know. The point of a conspiracy is that you can’t look too closely under the surface lest you burst the belief bubble with too many facts. I don’t want to ruin the intrigue with evidence or any contrary thoughts. I just want to revel in the wonder that there’s someone on the Simpson’s writing staff having psychic episodes and predicting things that actually happen.

Picture it: Writer guy is sitting, stumped, at his desk, hoping for some inspiration. All of a sudden he goes into a fugue state and when he emerges, an entire episode has been mapped out.

Or perhaps its writer chick with a keen third eye that she’s repressed her whole life. She’s aways had “feelings” but has always chalked it up to intuition. Writing is her passion and despite her predictions coming true multiple times she’s still unaware of her goddess like powers because she’s pretty much a hermit and often works remotely from home.

(Uh, yeah, so I like to read fiction…probably not apparent though, right?)

This has all the makings of a perfect conspiracy recipe. A little mysticism, a pinch of uncertainty, and just enough realism to make even the most diehard cynic have a kernel of doubt. At the very least, it beats the Covid-vaccine-tracking-device conspiracy theory, right?

 

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