Try to Avoid Having a Stubborn Child

                Son number 2 is heading off to college in the fall. This is the child who has always been laid back and chill, sometimes to the point of not making a decision because he doesn’t have an opinion either way. Having a laid-back child means less conflict, right?

                So, tell me why this whole college experience has been a trial?

                Last fall, when I was trying to set up college visits for him, he didn’t even know what subject he wanted to study other than “Math or Science”. When I set up some college tours so that he could get a feel for campus life and maybe explore what topics might interest him, he didn’t understand why I was interrupting his social life for this.

                (Cue parental pinch of the bridge of the nose, universal sign for “God grant me the patience”.)

                The first college tour gave me a false sense of hope. He seemed engaged and interested, he liked that the classes and campus were on the smaller side because he didn’t want to go to a large college and even found a field of study that had potential.

(Well, I did say FALSE hope.)

                After that first college visit, now that he found an area of interest and narrowed his degree to an actual specific option, he didn’t know why I was still making him go to college visits that didn’t have his degree program. You know, the ones that I set up when he had no clue what he wanted to do?

                (Quick meditative chant of “I love this child” until irritation levels reach normal again.)

                So, I cancelled those tours and set up college visits that did have his field of interest and again, I was interrupting his social life because he didn’t have to see a college to go to it. You read that right. He doesn’t have to see a college in order to attend. Excuse me, what now?

(Deep breath in, trying not to scream in parental frustration)

When he ruled out a college tour because he didn’t want to go see it, I agreed. There were a few reasons he cited for his decision, and they were very sensible. Not to mention, at this point I’m trying not to pull all of my hair out and it seemed like a break was exactly what both of us needed.

Until that college became his number one choice. Yup, the one that he said he probably wouldn’t go to, the one that was the farthest away from home, the one that was “too big”, the one that only has the most basic of degrees for his field of study…that one. Why? Well because his friends are going there of course. Duh.

(Okay, permission to scream in parental frustration granted in three, two, one….)

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

Apparently, I am crazy for expecting my child to go to a university that has his degree program when clearly, it’s a matter of socialization. Adding to this problem is that my husband, who was the popular sports jock extraordinaire during his academic years, doesn’t see the problem with this. I am alone on my island of disbelief. A sad sack island with a party of one nerd with her logic and lists and pros and cons.

Said son, who is a Taurus by the way, has dug his heels in about going to this college sight unseen. All attempts to persuade him to consider one of the colleges that have his actual degree (and one that he has actually laid eyes on) have fallen on deaf ears. I have become the unreasonable one since it’s completely normal to follow your friends, like lemmings jumping off a cliff, without regard for practicalities. Basing your college pick on such things as logic and class selection are so yesterday's generation, I guess.

After this experience, I am convinced that teenagers are the reason that so many parents have a mid-life crisis. There’s no way that getting your teenager through this process doesn’t cause some sort of psychological scarring. And if you are a parent that managed to skate through this process unscathed, I have some pretty colorful language to share with you on how I feel about that. Misery loves company and I expect you to have suffered along with the rest of us parents of maddeningly frustrating Gen Z children.

At the very least, you can keep your gloating to yourself.

 

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