J Lo's Got More Than Just Junk in Her Trunk

Have you heard the story about the man who was stalking Jennifer Lopez and was caught in her house? But hold on, that's not the best part. He was found after SIX DAYS. I had to look up this story because when I heard it, my first thought was, "How the hell big is her house that someone can live there for 6 days and she doesn't know? Day-um, I want this problem! How awesome would it be to have a huge ass house that you could actually lose people in?"

Upon further research, it was discovered that the stalker merely lived in her Hamptons vacation home's pool house and J Lo was not in residence at the same time. Okay, this is still a problem I want to have. Alright, maybe not so much the creepy dude living on my property but definitely the having a house in the Hamptons part. I could say snooty things like, "Please pass the Grey Poupon." and "Caviar is so plebeian. Everyone knows that goose pate is the new caviar." (A short side note: Be careful when you spell check. I always forget the second e in plebeian and when I right clicked to correct it I clicked too fast and it corrected it to lesbian. Funnier? Hell yes. But not what I meant.)

My question is: How did this guy know where J Lo's vacation house was? Well, I guess that's probably part of the whole "stalker" thing, right? You have to be good at your job to go from creepy-peeping-tom status to crazy-stalker-willing-to-live-in-your-vacation-home status. I just don't understand how that thought popped in his head. Was he thinking about going on vacation and just couldn't pick somewhere so he said, "I know, I'll break into Jennifer Lopez's vacation house and score myself a free vacation." Okay, okay, that part is admittedly a little brilliant. On a budget? Borrow someone else's vacation home! They'll never know you used it if you leave it just the way you found it. Oh, and as long as they aren't super famous (even if you can't figure out why) and have security patrolling the grounds.

This is a vacation house? It's like 4 times the size of my every day house!

Upon seeing the images of her vacation house though, I'm a little bummed that it's unoccupied most of the time.  Surely she knows her fame isn't going to last forever and she should be taking steps to ensure that her financial future is set. My idea is this: Rent out the Hamptons house for a week at a time and not only could it get used as often as this beautiful estate should be, but you could pacify those crazy people out there who love to blow money on dumb ass things like staying in a house that J Lo once occupied. Take that money, put it into savings, and call it your rainy day fund. It's a win win situation.

Meanwhile, it's almost vacation time and I think I'm going to look up if there are any nearby vacation properties for the Jolie-Pitt crew. C'mon, anyone with that many kids has got to be crazy and fun, right?