The Five Little Piggies That Live in My House

I have certain standards when it comes to my house cleaning. I hate having dirty dishes in the sink when I go to bed (other than maybe a glass or two). The bathroom needs to be cleaned at least once a week. And with an 85 pound black lab who sheds all year long, you can NEVER sweep the floors enough.

Having said that, I'm not one of those fastidious people who clean their houses constantly. If you look you'll see the dust bunnies that live under the beds and the cobwebs that no one can see because who looks up in the corners anyway? But one place where my family starts looking like we're hideously gross, disgusting trolls? The refrigerator.

I always feel like a million bucks when I finally get around to cleaning the fridge. Most often I'm too busy cooking and pulling things out of it to stop and actually look at it. I'm not even great about remembering to check and chuck the leftovers. (I had some pineapple that was fermenting into....something. And it was something gross smelling. Ick.) With a 6 year old who can't ever get a drink without first standing with the door wide open for 5 minutes first and a dog who has to come sniff everything while said 6 year old has the door open, it's a miracle anything stays clean in there.

So every few months (give or take a few months) when I notice the dog hair accumulating on the sticky mystery liquid spill that no one could wipe up because Not Me was the one who did it, and I give in and attack it with Clorox. Because that's exactly what it is, an attack. I wage war on this thing, usually gagging at the amount of dog hair that comes out from underneath the vegetable crisper drawers. Yes, everything likes to pool there and I have yet to ever know what the hell I'm cleaning up but it grosses me out. Every. Single. Time.

While cleaning this disgusting cold box, I have been known to mutter things like, "How the hell did so much dog hair get into an appliance that spends 90% of its time with a closed door?" and "What the hell is this? Apple juice? We haven't had apple juice in 6 months! (gag) Nope, not apple juice!" I scrub, gag, rinse, and repeat enough times until I don't feel like CPS is going to take my kids away from my slovenly refrigerator habits.

And for a few months it's good. Until the kids want a drink, a yogurt, a cheese stick, an apple, another drink, some grapes, a pudding, milk for their cereal, another drink......and the dog has to sniff the progression every time and the opening and closing blows that shedding dog hair in under the crisper drawers and Not Me spills not apple juice again.

Sigh.

Has anyone invented the self cleaning fridge yet? Because it should be on someone's to do list. Seriously.