Call Me Princess Violet McCoffeebeans

Have you heard this ridiculousness about "Snoop Dogg" changing his name? I'm not sure I understand his justification. Was Snoop Dogg just not unique enough anymore? Did it just not spell out who he was as a person? Or hmm, maybe it was a career boost. Let's face it Snoopizzle, you're probably 30 seconds away from a "Where Are They Now" VH1 special.

So what's he changing his name to? Well, duh, Snoop LION. Rawr! Yes, apparently dog wasn't even manly enough by adding that second g to it. Lion is much more appropriate for the 2010 decade, don't you think? Or maybe it's a much more appropriate animal since the Snoopster hit his forties two years ago. Maybe this was his version of a midlife crisis? Most men buy sports cars, he just changes his name to a new animal.

Yeah, I can totally see the lion resemblance.

What? That's so 2012 now? He's changed his name AGAIN? Yes, apparently he stopped smoking so much ganja and realized that Snoop Lion sounds like something a washed up has been might re-brand himself and ditched the new moniker in favor of something else. (And quick side bar, does anyone else think he looks like "Urkel: All Grown Up" in this picture?)

The brand spanking new name? Snoopzilla. Oh, yes, I can definitely see the appeal. So much more manly to be an extinct species that only exists in Jurassic Park movies and animated cartoons. Yep, I can see how this name might seem more fitting with your hipper, fresher vibe. Ok, no, I can't really see it at all. When did making up asinine names for yourself become a "thing"? Do we regular people get to do this or is this something reserved only for people with enough money to bribe bored officials to process the paper work with a straight face?

So thusly, I've decided that henceforth you shall all address me as Princess Violet McCoffeebeans. It is a name much more befitting of my station. Which is of course a woman who likes to drink coffee and whose favorite color is purple.