The Big To Do Over The Big Reveal

If you want to piss people off, tell them you're pregnant and opting to wait until the birth to find out the gender. I'm not sure why this is a hot button issue. I'm not saying YOU can't find out the gender of YOUR baby. Conversely, they also get accusatory if you plan on waiting and then change your mind. "I thought you weren't going to find out?" Apparently fetus gender is an extremely sensitive subject.

Originally hubby and I were going to wait for the sweet surprise at delivery, but the more we thought on it we decided we did want to find out. Since this is absolutely, most definitely the final child that will ever be housed inside my uterine walls, we figured we'd go all out and have one of them there fancy gender reveal parties that are all the rage nowadays. So we had the ultrasound technician seal the verdict in an envelope that we gave to a friend of ours who colored the inside of the cake either pink or blue.

For the entire time that lead up to the party I was so excited I'm surprised the baby didn't send an S.O.S. telling me to calm myself down. I was utterly convinced that this baby was a girl and it was another shot at frilly dresses, hair bows, and braiding her hair. (Those days are long past with my 13 year old daughter.) Besides, it would even the score in my house to 3 boys and 3 girls. Having a boy was so far from my mind that when we cut the cake and it WAS blue, I was devastated. Now, you're never supposed to admit that you want a specific gender. You can only demurely smile and say, "As long as it's healthy, we don't care what we have." Well, I call bullshit. I wanted a girl. There's enough testosterone in my house already. I need a reprieve. Not another person on Team "I just farted" tee hee hee.

Mothers, however, aren't supposed to feel this heartbroken over something as trivial as gender. We are supposed to be truly appreciative of this miracle we are carrying. Mothers are supposed to be perfect and never express disappointment. We are supposed to radiate hope and love and enfold our children in our warm embrace. So now I'm crushed AND guilty for having these thoughts. Before you put on your hate hat, please realize that I adore my two boys. Scraped knees and fart smells and all. But this unexpected baby was surely meant to be another little princess for Mommy and Daddy to coo over and the baby sister my daughter wanted our youngest to be all those years ago.

I'm positive that when this baby does come, I'll love it as much as the other three. But I deserve to have a chance to mourn the child that isn't going to be before I can celebrate the child that will be. I don't see the shame in that. I don't think mothers (or even fathers) should be made to feel like a social pariah for having emotions and hopes for their unborn child and being upset when they don't come to fruition. Yes, the baby is healthy and that's the ultimate goal, right? I'm sure I'll get used to the fact that (sigh) this one has a penis too, even if I cope by hiding pink onesies under his clothes for the first few months.*

*I would never do this to my sweet, baby boy. (and if I did, I wouldn't announce it to on my blog!)