A Quick PSA For Sports Parents

                School is in the air again and you know what that means…no time to breathe between work schedules, sports schedules, and playing parent taxi to the pint size piranhas who live with you. Down becomes up, up becomes down, and the flipping equinoxes are wreaking havoc on your sleep schedules. Ahh…the good times we will look back on fondly one day, am I right?

But right now, I’m not going to lie, it kinda (totally) sucks.

                It’s not just because we are spending most of our free time in a car on the way to practice or a game, or spending more time in a car returning from a practice or a game. It’s not juggling schedules of multiple sports kids and trying to shove dinner down their throat at either 3:30 or 8:30. It’s not even being so exhausted that your eye bags have their own set of bags. It’s the damn whacked out sports parents. (Plus all the things I mentioned before too. But mostly the parents.)

Because I was a nerd growing up, I didn’t have the exposure to the athletic world that has become my life as the mom of two sporty boys. So I don’t know if there have been generations of A-hole sports parents or if this is a new trend singular to the meaner era we are currently living in. (THAT is a whole other blog post someday.) Is there a handbook for dummies for nerd parents who breed jocks? If there is, I haven’t come across it yet. How about a cliff’s notes version? Cheat sheet?

As it’s fall, soccer season is in full swing. Both child number 3 and 4 play. One is in varsity high school soccer. The other is on a grade 5/6 travel team. I haven’t noticed a lot of the BS from the younger kid’s games. The varsity games however, are “off the chain” as the kids are apt to say. (Like a decade ago because slang moves faster than the speed of light and I’m old and hold onto old terms that tickle my fancy. For proof see: “tickle my fancy”.) If you’ve never had the pleasure of sitting at a high school sporting event amongst a bunch of overzealous douche canoe sports parents, I highly un-recommend it. It’s kind of tragic. And definitely not for the faint of heart.

Now, I want you to keep in mind that these are adults. Grown ass men and women who act like their kid walks on water and cannot ever be called on a foul or whatever the ref is saying down there. I just know he blows the whistle and half the crowd will boo while the other half clap. Now, I myself have indulged in ref bashing, but all in good humor and only because they are all like 230 years old and can’t hear what I am saying anyway. I think that dissing the ref calls is standard protocol for all sports events. It’s probably in some how-to-sports handbook. What isn’t in the handbook though, is making derogatory comments about the KIDS who are playing the game. I’m not talking about the “he got a little handsy there” or “I think number 12 is pushing a lot tonight”. No, I mean the parents who will call the kids names (moron, dumbass, idiot etc.) or say mean things about a TEENAGER who is participating in a high school athletic competition. I’d like to say that this is a gross over embellishment and I’ve never seen it happen. I’d also like to say that I didn’t know the kid it was said about, or that he is one of the nicest kids I’ve ever met. I’d ALSO like to say I punched that imbecile parent in his mouth. Sadly, however, I cannot say any of those things.

But let me reiterate this part if you didn’t catch it: IT’S. A. HIGH. SCHOOL. SPORTS. COMPETITION.

Your kid aint going pro Lucinda. They are not being scouted by David Beckham’s agent and they are definitely not going to be the next Pele or Messi. (Do you like how I worked the knowledge of the only 3 soccer players I know in there?) You’ll be lucky if they continue playing through college. Even if they do, they probably aren’t going to make time for it on the weekends once their 9-5 kicks in and they become members of the sad adulthood membership that no one wants and yet are anyway. If they were going to go pro, do you think they’d thank you for being the jerk causing a ruckus in the stands? Here’s an idea: Why don’t we stop perpetuating the overzealous doucheyness and just be supportive and practice good sportsmanship? Is that so much to ask?

So Ben, back off. Calm your tits Tiffani with an i. It’s just a bunch of kids kicking a ball up and down the field. Take a chill pill. No literally. Take a Xanax or something.

 

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