Its a Bird! It's a Plane! Nope, It's MOM!

            Everyone knows that women develop unique skillsets in motherhood. (By everyone, I mean those of you who don’t live underneath a rock or off grid in a tiny cabin by a stream.) There is something about that squishy little bundle of sweetness and light that unlocks a deep chasm of love and nurturing.

But did you know that it also causes us to develop superpowers?

That’s right. Powers. That are super.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Yeah, right. That’s real sci-fi stuff you’re talking about right there. Stop the crazy talk and let’s get real.” Well luckily for you, my friends, I have cold hard facts and proof of said Powers. (The capitalization shows you how impressive they are.)

The first is my preternaturally keen eyesight. You might be thinking that is impossible since I wear contacts but it’s true. Let me give you an example: I am the ONLY person in my house that can spot the empty tissue box in the bathroom. Literally the only one. It’s practically invisible to the rest of the inhabitants of my household. I am also the only one who can see that scrap of white paper that is on the gray tile floor. It’s like a neon beacon to my supersonic eyes but no one else can see it.

These amazeballs eyeballs can even find things that no one else can. I always know where the ketchup, scotch tape, and kid’s sweatshirts that are hiding in plain sight that are elusive to the rest of my family. I once found the mittens in the same place that they’d been kept for the last 7 years in just 30 seconds flat, that’s how strong that specific ability has become.

I have also acquired bionic hearing. I can hear someone talking to me when the tv is on in the next room or when the neighbor is mowing their lawn. That’s right, while the rest of my family cannot focus on words when there is any type of other stimuli in the big world around them, I can multi-task and focus on two things at the same time. Perhaps I am using one ear for each activity and thus maximizing the potential for auditory awesomeness. (Auditory Awesomeness is the Superhero name for my ears.)

Probably my best, and also worst, superpower though, is my heightened sense of smell. Pregnant women often have disproportionately amplified olfactory senses that usually return to normal after giving birth. I am not sure my nose ever got that memo. Did the off switch break and was permanently stuck in the “on” position for the rest of my life? Seems that way. My daughter once asked me to visit her apartment to see if I smelled mold/mildew. That’s right, my own child used me like a bloodhound. If that isn’t an admission of my powerful sniffer, I don’t know what would be.

Unfortunately, this one is as much a curse as a blessing. When the cleats start making the house smell like a gym locker, I am usually the only one who can smell it. Or maybe guys are used to their sports stench and don’t get bothered by it? No, no, I’m sure that this is also attributed to my fantastical sense of smell.

Sadly, the one thing that wasn’t super powered was my language. I can ask my kid 5 times to do something, and he can't hear me. It’s like I’m speaking in a foreign language or in a whisper. It’s absolutely crazy. If I ask my husband to do something, he sometimes takes a whole 30 minutes to get to it. If I had SuperSpeech, it would be 11 seconds. But I guess I can’t have ALL the powers. I’m pretty sure that would make me omnipotent. Plus, the ones that I do have are already exhausting, so I can’t imagine having more.

If you ever wonder how Moms seem to get overstimulated so quickly, consider how hard it is to bear the burden of Superpowers. This is no easy feat you know. So maybe cut the Moms in your life a little slack and find the ketchup all by yourself.

 

 

 

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