I Won A Bronze Medal in Giving-A-Crap

So, I really don't care about the Olympics. I know, I know, it's awful. To other people. You wouldn't believe how many people are horrified that I don't watch the Olympics. You'd think I just told them I kick puppies or something. Apparently, not having an interest in watching teams competing for pretty metal necklaces makes me less of an American. Who knew?

The thing is, I don't know these people. I can barely work up the enthusiasm for my own kid's sporting events. And I gave birth to them! I owe them my support, love, and the falsest, happy smile that says "I love being at sporting events" that I can muster. These people that I don't know? Eh, not so much. At most I can give them thirty seconds of attention as their name passes my home page's news feed. (Although, to be fair, I'll probably get distracted by something shinier like which celebrity went to rehab last weekend.)

It comes back to bite me in the ass though, since I am apparently the one person in the entire universe who does NOT watch the Olympics. They all have something to discuss and here I am on the sidelines, twiddling my thumbs. Maybe adding an inane comment like, "Yeah, how about Japan, eh?" Inwardly I'm thinking, "Oh. My. Gawd! Aren't they over yet? It's screwing up my television schedule, the shows I really want to watch. Who cares who got a gold medal in figure skating? Gah!"

Trying to bullshit my way through a conversation about Olympics with a regular person isn't as bad as one with a person who is obsessed with them. Like the "I DVR'ed every second of the Olympics to watch it again and again" kind of people. The ones who talk about the athletes like they know them. (Although, if they watched the back story six or seven times, maybe they feel like they do know them?) They are the ones who are not fooled with your generic comments about how good of a match (game? competition? event?) it was. They smell the lack of patriotism of the Olympics challenged, thus resulting in the stench of severe disappointment that you do not share their own zeal.

So, the next time we get together, make sure you ask me what I thought about the Canadian hockey game. I didn't watch it, but it could be fun to watch me make something up, right? And you never know, maybe I retained something in that thirty seconds of news I read. But probably not.