It's Only Dangerous If I Start Thinking

Since I've had some extra time lately, mostly at three a.m. while I'm feeding the bambino, I've found my mind wandering. (Yes, I'm afraid it's as dangerous as it sounds.) Here are some of the things that have crossed over to the vast darkness that is my thought process recently.

Have you seen the new commercials for e-surance? The ones that are scoffing at insurance quotes taking 15 minutes because they can do it in half the time? (They actually say seven and a half minutes in the ad.) Does this remind anyone else of name that tune? "I can quote your auto insurance in five minutes." Are we so busy now that the additional 7 and a half minutes were just too much for us? "Well, I'd go online for a quote, but I just can't find an extra fifteen minutes. I could find eight maybe, but definitely not an entire fifteen."

Does anyone else wonder why we equate tiny infants with large safari or aquatic animals? This year's theme is apparently elephants. I've also seen whales, giraffes, lions, and bears. (The whales on the preemie outfit was a 10 on the ironic meter.) Did we feel that bunnies, lambs, and turtles were just too over done? Did we get hate letters from the National Association of Large Animals accusing us of being discriminatory? I don't really mind if my newborn's tush is covered in sheep or monkeys or trucks, all I'm saying is that it's odd.

Wouldn't it be cool to be able to re-name things that don't make sense? Like Daylight Savings Time. We don't actually save it anywhere. It's not like we have a vault of unused sunlight or jars of sunshine stashed under the bed. (Although how cool would that be when it's dark out at 4 pm in the winter? Just bring out some sunshine and party like it's three months later. Woot woot!) We should call it: Aw shit, the time change is going to throw my schedule off for two weeks Day. ( Or ASTTCIGTTMSOFTW Day for short.) Or maybe: Why the hell do we have to change the damn clock anyway? We're just going to change it back again in five months Day.

Where do socks go when the dryer eats them? Do they go to odd sock heaven? Do they get their own wingtips? (Har de har!) If the mate eventually makes it odd sock heaven too, do they have to leave? And how exactly do they get out of the dryer in the first place? Is there some sort of secret "Sock Escape Hatch" that is invisible to all the non-hosiery amongst us?

Do you think the person who invented coffee was properly worshiped? I mean, he was pretty much a God right? (I'm assuming it was a man since women were only allowed to cook, clean, and whelp young'uns all the live long day.) Did his town give him a parade or his own holiday? Because they really should have. And if they didn't, maybe he can share the holiday reserved for the one that invented chocolate truffles. What do you mean there isn't a holiday for that either? What kind of world do we live in?

Have you seen the new e-surance commercial? The one with the woman who looks like the Grandmother on the old show "The Nanny"? It's hilarious. She posted all her vacation pics to her wall. Her living room wall. After her friend says something she doesn't like she un-friends her. It totally makes me laugh. (Not as much as the Sprint Zombie commercial, but fairly close.) I don't have a rant about it, I just wanted to share that it's funny. 

Yeah, that's the kind of twisted going on up in there. You too can enjoy these quality inane thoughts for the low, low price of sleep deprivation and being a parent of four children! (And wondering how the hell that snuck up on you.) Side effects may include loss of sanity, loss of money, and increased pressure to find your damn car keys.