You Can't Teach An Old Mom New Tricks

Remember when you were expecting, or maybe after you came home with a shiny, new baby, and there was the older generation of women who inundated you with advice on everything from feeding to sleeping habits? It might have been an aunt, a grandmother, or even your own Mom. Mentally you rolled your eyes and nodded as you thought, "Ugh, that's the old fashioned way. They don't even use leeches anymore. Gawd."

I think I'm one of those Moms now. And I'm not even old enough to qualify for this position! I was pretty sure that this behavior kicked in with your first impending grand child. Apparently not. Maybe it kicks in if you're brave enough (crazy enough?) to have child number 4. Or if you think you're sane enough to do the parenting thing more than once. Willingly. All I know is that you can't teach an old Mom new tricks.

Okay, well, you can, but it's really hard.

The reason for this, I think, is that we figure anything that works well enough on our kids must be a parenting gem that we have just discovered and therefore must share with those closest to us. (Or strangers on the bus, in the grocery store, or at work. Same thing.) It does not matter that every child is different. We learned a fool proof way to get Mikey to sleep through the night and by golly, it should work for everyone's kid. What do you mean it didn't work for your kid? You must be doing it wrong.

We are so proud that not only are we currently not screwing our kid up, but that we have found one thing that we did so well it worked on the first try. It doesn't matter if Parents magazine suggested it and we were desperate enough to try it or if it was something we pulled out of thin air. What matters is we are, at that moment, a parenting genius. E = I'm a freaking awesome parent squared. Time to tackle teething terrors, potty training, preschool anxiety separation. Bring it on. I can handle it!

Yup, and you need to hold that shining beacon of parenting greatness close to you too. It's fleeting. Tomorrow will once again be fraught with uncertainty. Not to mention you will need all the reminders of parenting success you can get once they reach the teenage years and you want to smack them every time they roll their eyes at you. Since they often roll their eyes so hard you aren't sure how the eyeballs stay in the sockets, the urge will be persistent. You will probably devote so much time to trying not to smack your teenagers that it could likely turn into a full time job. So, yeah, take your victories where you can get them.

And for those new parents out there who have to hear buckets of unsolicited advice from us experienced "veterans", take comfort in knowing that one day, you'll be the old crotchety one spewing unwanted advice and that it will be a full circle. Uh, yeah, that really isn't very comforting is it?