The Most Important Job Interview Ever

You know how, when you go on a job interview, you bring your polished up resume and try to sound more important than you are? You don't lie, you just use fancier words to describe your job duties. Like "Office Purchasing Agent" instead of "Guy Who Orders The Copier Paper". And if there's any way you can add the word consultant in there, it makes you sound ten times more knowledgeable. After all, people consult YOU for something, right?

The problem is, I can't help but feel like daycare providers do the same thing.  You're searching for a person to care for you child. Five days a week, your precious bundle of joy will spend most of their waking hours with someone other than you. Are they plumping their resume too?

This is, in essence, the most important interview of your life. Because I don't know if you've watched the news or read a newspaper lately, but the world is a fricken scary place! I read a story just today about a man who broke his infant's ribs squeezing him to try to stop the crying. This is the kid's dad. He's half that baby's DNA. Not even a stranger. How the hell am I supposed to pick a random person now? (Moral of the story: Stop watching the news. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.) That story just made me hold my own little guy tighter in commiseration. (Not like "I'm breaking body parts" squeezing, but normal "I love you so much how can someone hurt a beautiful little thing like you?" squeeze.)

Ok, I'm getting off topic. Although one last note on that topic: I hope he drops the soap.

So you do your research, find licensed providers, prepare your questions, meet with them, and grill the hell out of them. You are only a small step away from hooking them up to a lie detector machine and you probably wish that was a viable option. You ask about naps and feeding schedules and tour play areas. You make a decision, bite the bullet, and pray to the good Lord that you found someone who will treat your progeny like the sacred future president that you know they'll be.

Or that's how you hope it'll go.

In the meantime, you bite your nails and remind yourself its only 5 short years until kindergarten. Because i's either that or start drinking heavily. And the first one is at least easier on your liver.