A Shout Out To Mothers

Today is a very special day of the year for all of us Mothers. It's a time for breakfasts in bed, hand print art poems, and a special feeling of accomplishment that your child is still breathing and you don't think you caused them to need (much) therapy this past year. In honor of this day, Modern Mom Mayhem presents:

How You Know You're A Mom

• If you've ever had to choke down soggy cereal and burnt toast for your Mother's Day breakfasts.
• If you've ever been peed on during a diaper change or had a poop blowout so bad that you decided to just throw the onesie out than try to clean it.
• If you've ever felt that the pacifier was your best friend sometimes if it meant you had five minutes to think without a screaming baby.
• If you've ever received flak for using a pacifier because Mrs. X's perfect children never needed one.
• If you ever realized that the bouncy seat was your savior because it meant you could shower with a newborn in the house. Of course, the baby was IN the bathroom with you because you were too paranoid to be separated five feet.
• If you learned to take 7 minute showers because of it.
• If you've ever ad a child tell you at 7 PM that they have an art project/report/bake sale the next day and need (fill in the blank) and you do a flight of the bumblebee store run.
• If you've ever had a picky eater and taken turns between frustration that the damn kid won't just eat new foods for cripes sake and acceptance that your kid will forever eat PB&J instead of meat.
• If you've ever had the creepy feeling that someone was staring at you at 2 AM and wake up to find a child next to your bed.
• If you have had so many experiences with pink eye that you can tell to the second they start coming down with it.
• If you know all the words to at least one kids show theme song or have ever had to sit through the same movie 73 times because it was your child's favorite.
• If you've ever caught yourself singing these damn annoying songs even while your kid isn't around because they're so good at getting stuck in your head. "Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere."
• If it's been a few years since you've had a hot meal, a private phone conversation, or a bathroom break without either company or a knock (or 12) on the door.
• If someone asks what the last movie you saw or book you read and it's animated or has more pictures than words.
• If you've ever had the parental embarrassment of a toddler in melt down mode in public because you were foolish enough to venture to the store too close to nap time.
• If you've ever been so tired during a toddler meltdown that you've contemplated just sitting down and crying with them.
• If you've ever been up all night with a sick child and would give anything just to be able to make them well.
• If they bounce back from being sick with 22 times as much energy and you feel guilty for thinking it was nice and calm when they were sick.
• If your purse starts to resemble a diaper bag, after you've given the diaper bag up.
• If you can't leave the house for a few hours without planning for every single contingency that might require a change of clothes, a sweater, sun screen, bug repellent, a ball cap or a snack. "Just in case."
• If you can get nostalgic over the smell of Desitin.
• If you've ever realized that baby wipes were handy for sticky hands and dirty faces, and you miss them once you stop carrying them.
• If the best part of your day was snuggling up with a freshly bathed baby/toddler/preschooler. (Or however long they let you before they were "too big".)
• If you beg to hold other people's babies so you can get your fix of sweet baby head smell because your "baby" is long past that age.
• If you appreciate your own Mother more for what your own kids put you through.
• If you look forward to Mother's Day hand made gifts made with hand prints or your child's picture. (Of course the picture is taken on a day that they wore their ugliest shirt or had sloppy joes for lunch) 
• If you can admit that the perfect Mother's Day gift would be if Dad took them to the park for a few hours so Mom could let Calgon take her away.
• If you feel guilty about admitting that BEFORE you even finish admitting it and give yourself the world's sternest mental lecture.
• If you are intimately acquainted with Mom Guilt and how often you will feel its sting.
• If you've ever had a child ask 28 times for something in the grocery store and stuck to your guns when you said NO. (And felt like a parenting genius the whole day! You can do this, you got it licked! You....have a toddler running around the house pant less and the other one is eating dog food. Sigh.)
• If you have ever had that one relative/friend/neighbor who always has the "best parenting advice" because they had the perfect children who are perfectly perfect in every single way.
• If you ever had that one person who actually did have the best parenting advice...or at least advice on how to keep your sanity while raising them.
• If you survived the toddler "Why?" stage.
• If you have ever uttered the words, "Because I said so." even though you vowed that it would never happen.
• If you learned the importance of picking your battles.
• If a hug from your child can make any day better.

And most importantly, if you read any of those and nodded your head because you have been/are going through it. Happy Mother's Day!