Ain't Nobody Ever Happy

Did you ever notice, no matter what the weather is, someone's not happy? I think weather is probably the single most volatile conversation topic. You could be discussing the merits of summer and make an innocent comment about liking the warm weather and BAM! Someone's complaining about bugs the size of Texas chewing on them.

No season is safe from these cud chewing crones. In the winter, no one's happy. Everyone's too damn cold to be happy. You're frostbitten, half numb, and why does your skin seem like it's got a bluish hue? You never leave the house with less than 3 layers of clothing and cringe if you have to leave your toasty house in the evening to get milk. Winter is probably the crankiest, crabbiest, complaining-est season. It's dark early, everything is white, brown or dirty gray, and you begin to hate cloudy days. Just when we think spring might come and save our sanity, we get 2 feet of that white shit dumped on us, followed by an ice storm and the coldest temperatures of the entire winter. Super! Because what I was really hoping to do was to waste more of my life shoveling and sanding and salting. So it's really not surprising that everyone seems miserable in the winter.

But then spring comes. It's time to shed those winter coats and find the galoshes because spring has brought buckets of rain and mud puddles. Shoes aren't safe and rainjackets and umbrellas are in every closet, coat rack and car. As the season goes on, grass grows, flowers bloom, birds sing........and pollen season starts. Now everything is that weird yellowy-green color and people with allergies are complaining "Dat dey can't breeve." Compulsive clean freaks are lamenting not being able to open the windows because of the constant yellow coating and  it's not quite warm enough to start planting in the garden lest a freak frost hit and decimate your sprouts. (In New York that could happen in June believe it or not. We had 3 feet of snow near Whiteface Mountain this past Memorial Day weekend.) If it's not the rain or the pollen, it's the wind. March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. If by lamb they really mean pissed off lion with a stomach ache and a thorn in its paw. But finally it seems like the weather is starting to change and ahhhhh......summer.

Once summer hits people start pissing and moaning about it being "too hot". These words should never come out of your mouth unless you're in hell. Or an oven set to 400 degrees. Then I will allow it. Since we live in a state with 6 months of winter, there is no such setting as too hot. If you think 88 is hot, visit Death Valley, California. In July. They have a record high of 134 degrees Fahrenheit. One hundred thirty four degrees. Now, that's hot. Until then, please don't tell me "It's too humid." or "It's so hot and sticky outside." Especially since you're the same person who bitched about it being too cold in the winter. You cannot have it all people. That's life. Buy a helmet and get over it. Instead of hating the heat, embrace it! It's only a few short weeks before Mother Nature snatches it away from us like a mean sibling stealing our favorite toy, only to replace it with a crappier, less liked toy like Autumn frosts or colder temperatures.

Last, but certainly not least, is fall. I think that this season is probably the least hated. It's hard to hate a season that brings apple picking, getting those kids back to school, football, pumpkin pie, crunchy leaves, and did I mention getting the kids back in school after a very, looooong summer? Of course, someone has to ruin the bliss with a litany of complaints about their neighbor's leaf burning wreaking havoc with their sinuses or the chilly autumn nights being a sign of an early winter. For cripes sake people, can we just enjoy hot apple cider and leaves changing colors and visions of fat, plump turkey dinners? Must you rush us back into that white, wintry spiral of gloom?

So for now, I'm living in the "weather moment". I'm going to enjoy the steamy, humid 90 degree weather heading our way. Because six months from now, memories of summer will be the only thing keeping me from hunting down Mother Nature and choking her for all the snow we're getting.