What The Hell Is All This CRAP?

The one thing that seems to cause me the most Mom guilt is the amount of work that I am (or am not) saving from my children. My cousin once told me she saves EVERYTHING that her (only) son brings home. Two children ago this would have sent me into a Mom guilt spazz attack. Now, on the third kid, it just a provides a slight twinge.

I wonder why there isn't a guide book to help ascertain what we are supposed to treasure from our children's school efforts and what we can throw out without causing too much emotional trauma? That is a trick question! The answer is we cannot throw anything out without causing emotional trauma to our children who look at us like we are evil incarnate for chucking something their own precious two hands made. Even if it is sixteen sheets of illegibly printed A's. We are supposed to record every single painstaking step of learning to print actual letters, at least in the eyes of our children. Which is why Moms resort to throwing things out when their kids aren't there to see it and why it's buried under the coffee filters, empty cereal boxes, and anything else we could pile on top of it to ensure it will remain unseen by our precocious progeny.

So the rule is this: I only save things that are really adorable, special (I love Mom because....), or funny. Like the Thanksgiving Turkey cooking instructions that my daughter did. (She was in Kindergarten? First grade?) I don't remember exactly what it says but something ridiculous like: "Put the turkey in the oven at 40 degrees for an hour."

And I don't even know why I'm saving all this stuff. Eventually it just gets put in a box and shoved in the back of a closet somewhere or on a shelf in the garage because I lack space to keep it hanging around our puny 1,200 square feet of house. So it's not as if we're pulling it out and reminiscing on a yearly basis. It's basically being put away, never to see the light of day again.

Or am I saving it to eventually give back to them someday? When they buy their first house I give them a housewarming gift with a "Congratulations! You now have room to take this box of stuff I've been saving and I don't want anymore because I'm getting old and someone will just have to clean out the house when Dad and I are gone anyway." I know my daughter, who has shown slight hoarding tendencies, will probably welcome it. But (and I don't mean to sound sexist here) my two boys? Sorry, I just can't see them getting gooey eyed over a teddy bear they drew when they were 6. At best, they're just going to shove it in a closet somewhere themselves. At worst, they're just going to throw it out which will make me say, "WTF dude? I saved that for like 15 years. At least hold on to it for a year until I forget about it. I'm old, it'll happen."

 Maybe when they're older I can get bonus Mom points? "Look at how dedicated and caring I was! I saved all this crap uh, crafty stuff that you made. Yes, it's a dog! No, no, you're right. An owl. That you made in first....the first week of second....third grade. Good job back then buddy!" I guess I'll just keep on doing what generations of mothers have done before me and ooh and ahh over paper mache turtles and all their "skool wurk".

Until then, I need a new damn box. The old one is full.