Gimmee A Case Of Clorox Please

I find as I get older I'm starting to resemble Howie Mandel more and more. No, I'm not developing a shiny, bald head, although I would save a ton of money on hair accessories! The OCD/germaphobic tendencies, however, are another story.

I grew up a normal, germ encrusted child, playing in the dirt and making mud pies. I shared sodas with my friends without worrying about getting sick, I used public restrooms all over the city without even using a paper liner on the seat, and I borrowed girlfriends combs and hair scrunchies with nary a thought of possible spreading creepy crawlies. I was a normal, average, tangled hair, sticky faced kid.

Then the internet came and brought along the information age. (Web MD can be a sickness!)

Now there's e-coli and salmonella and mad cow disease. Bird flu, swine flu, fifths disease, HPV, and as a co-worker would say, "The Creeping Crud". There are more reasons for me to put my kids in a bubble than to keep them out of it. I'm one of those wackos that really doesn't need this information. I have too active of an imagination. Case in point: Hubby is trying to clean out his ear. I'm not sure if he had water in there or a boulder, but he was working hard at getting it out with some peroxide and a bulb syringe. Which would have been okay had I not seen his method. Which was basically sticking the syringe in his ear and then sticking it back in the peroxide bottle. Are you kidding me?!?! Now I have ear wax flotsam and jetsam in my peroxide. I can't use this now! The next time I'd disinfect my cut I'd be thinking about how many particles of wax per ounce of peroxide are swimming in my open wound. I have to buy a whole new bottle of peroxide and I just bought this one two weeks ago. (Note to self: Buy peroxide. Buy 2 bottles and put Hubby's name on one.)

And this gets me thinking....if I hadn't walked by and seen him do this, I would never have known that there were wax cooties in my peroxide. What else don't I know about my family? Did my child use the last of the toilet paper and put on a fresh roll before washing their hands? Did the youngest get a fork out, put his grimy hands all over the tines, and then put it back in the drawer when he decides he wants a spoon instead? Did my daughter wipe up a water mess on the sink with the hand towel that we dry our clean hands on? Do we now have grungy particles on the towel that we're passing around?

Sadly, these are all things that I know my family would do, and then give me the "What?!?!" look when I glare at them. They can't see why I'm all bent out of shape that they use a sponge to wipe something off the dog hair infested floor and then wipe up the counter right after. There was a time that my son used the kitchen hand towels to clean up everything on the floor....ketchup, soda, ice cream. It was all fair game. And then hang it back up to be used again. They couldn't figure out why Mom had steam coming out her ears. My inner germophobe has teamed up with my inner worrywart and paranoia and come back a three headed monster. I'm two steps away from a power washer, a case of bleach, and a bug bomb. (Because you never know, right?)

So if you're planning a visit to my house, I'd make it soon. Left unchecked, Germaphobe-itis can manifest quickly into "I'm never leaving my house again dammit and you can't make me go out into that germ infested cesspool of a world!" Just close the door behind you and step into the decontamination chamber to your left......