The Bouncing Bundle of Royalty

Congratulations to William and Kate! The newest royal addition is not even 24 hours old and already I feel sorry for him. He has yet to experience an entire day "on the outside" and yet all these reporters are all up in his grill, yo!

If you thought there was rampant speculation when Kimye's baby was born, royalty adds that much more excitement! There must be copious news reports about Kate's labor, including how long she was in traffic en route to the hospital, what she was wearing upon entering the hospital, which employees she spoke to at the hospital and how many guards are stationed outside in the hall. Actually, I have no idea if that's what was reported as I was trying to be facetious, yet sadly, it probably IS sought after information.

Of course, the official statement from the Prince is: "We could not be happier.", quoted alongside this picture:

I can see the joy in his eyes!

Yes, we can clearly see that he is beside himself at successfully bringing his proof of virility into the world. I mean, any happier and he'd have to be locked in an asylum. I know, I know, I get that this is not a picture of him at the hospital as there is his very lovely wife almost completely cropped out of the picture. And I'm pretty sure, princess or not, she's unlikely to be running around in a white Versaci (That's the only famous designer I know other than the Wang wedding dress lady.) dress mere hours after squeezing out the royal heir. But they couldn't find a single picture where he might not look like a corporate shark buttoning his suit jacket after a lunch of several liquidated companies?

Of course, since there seems to be nothing better to report on, there are articles galore on the baby and its parents and baby name speculation and even one article I found that compared Kate and Princess Diana's maternity wear styles. (I felt this was grasping. Nothing worn 30 years ago resembles what we wear now, even if I did get a few guffaws from 1980's fashion.) 

The poor child hasn't even been officially named and already there are "fans" storming the castle. Or in this case, the hospital. What the hell people? The woman just gave birth. I'm pretty sure that qualifies her for one week of paparazzi free time. YOU try squeezing a cantaloupe out of a mouse hole and see if you're up to pictures!

Oh, and all you well wishers, get over yourselves. Stop trying to make yourself look good by bringing a little stuffed lamb offering for the royal royalness. Don't you know his toys are all made of diamonds and gold?