Why It Pays To Be a Carnivore Right Now

So there is a nasty stomach bug that's sweeping across the country, already affecting people in 11 different states. The cause? Well, the "exact cause of the outbreak has yet to be pinpointed" quotes one article on msn.com. (http://news.msn.com/science-technology/stomach-bug-linked-to-produce-sickens-285-in-11-states) Comforting. I'm glad to know you brainy, disease discovering guys are on top of this. What they DO know, is that the parasite at the root of the infections is commonly found on produce.

Since they haven't figured out which produce is the culprit, wary shoppers are now treating the produce section in their local grocery stores like it has leprosy. Lest they be infected by just passing through the aisles in the supermarket, people are avoiding buying this week's roughage. (Oh well, fiber is so last year anyway.) Colons everywhere are suffering. We're hoping for quick resolution before everyone finds themselves having to buy a case of Viactiv yogurt. (If you are unfamiliar with this notoriously colon cleansing yogurt it's time to get a tv. And turn it on. And watch the pretty, sparkly people try and sell you things in 60 second increments. Oooh, aaah, oooo.)

But with 285 people carrying around this little bugger, and the nasty ass effects it carries with it, no one wants to risk being victim # 286. What sort of fun things come with this virus? Why, let's see. How about: watery diarrhea? Sounds like a grand old time, does it not? And if that's not enough, how about: vomiting? Have you been thinking you need to lose a few pounds? Eat some produce! No, no, silly, don't wash it first! Just swallow down that creepy little parasite and you're that much closer to the bikini body you've always wanted! Sure, you'll be too weak to actually go anywhere or do anything, but that's semantics! If those weren't enough fun, how about: body aches? Wow, it's like a stomach virus married the flu and had a baby! What fun!

The article says that, if not treated, this circus of maladies can affect you for up to a month. Wow, four whole weeks of never leaving my bathroom? I think my boss would be okay with that. Going to work is overrated, right? Otherwise, you can treat this easily with antibiotics. Once they test to see if that nasty little creep is hitching a ride in your body. Otherwise, you just have a 24 hour virus. Go home, eat some crackers, and stop your whining! At least you don't have an exotic parasite using you as a host.

Just when you thought becoming a vegetarian sounded like a good idea, something like this comes along and keeps your feet firmly planted in the carnivore camp. At least until the next mad cow disease outbreak. Hopefully by then we can eat lettuce again.