I Don't Mean To Complain But....

Don't you hate when people say something lame like, "I don't mean to complain but..." and then proceed with a lengthy list of complaints? Isn't that exactly the opposite of what you just said? Isn't that like saying, "Well, I don't mean to be a douche bag but I just crapped in a paper bag and set it on fire on your front porch. Have a good day now."

I just think maybe we should be a little more honest. Maybe instead of saying we don't mean to complain we can say, "I don't want to complain because it'll make me sound like an ungrateful schmuck but I can't see any way around it and I'm just going to have to look like an ungrateful schmuck for the next ten minutes." Or maybe even something like, "Yes, I should be grateful for all the wonderful things I have in my life like breathing air, waking up with my health, having beautiful, smart children and a great spouse BUT.....instead I'm going to bitch about third world countries, the economy, a bunch of other stuff that really has little to do with me and finish up by lamenting about all the things I don't have but really wish I did for the next half hour. Ad nauseum. Until you want to stab your ears with a screw driver just to stop hearing my voice."

Although, admittedly, if someone said that last one I'd be forewarned and probably not even bother listening so maybe that's why no one wants to be honest. Maybe everyone just wants us to think that they wouldn't need to complain if it wasn't for this one, teensy tiny thing that just upset the entire apple cart. "Well, I'm normally very happy go lucky and appreciative but it's just this week has really been awful what with stubbing my toe, losing my car keys, AND getting that chain letter. I just can't find the strength to go on after the stressful week I've had."

Maybe we should start by being honest with ourselves. That might be the key. Maybe we should just say, "Self, you're kind of spoiled and selfish sometimes and you definitely take a lot for granted. You should count each and every blessing and realize that all these small annoyances will pass at some point and make you stronger for having endured them. Oh, and God really loves you. Amen." Mostly, we just lie to ourselves and say trivial things like, "It's the economy's fault." or "I'd just be happy to have a week off from cooking." Yet we end up all, "OMG! I totes just broke a nail and it's like, super bumming me out and like, the totes end of the world and stuff." (Okay, we probably don't sound like that but I love that new commercial with James Earl Jones and the "totes mcgotes" thing.)

Of course, don't hit the other end of the spectrum and be all holier than thou about it either. No one likes one of those smarmy, I-appreciate-every-blade-of-grass-on-the-planet-and-make-you-feel-inferior-about-your-simple-human-level-of-awareness people running around quoting Ghandi or Mother Theresa and basically patting themselves on the back. Seriously, be a little modest dude.

And speaking of modesty, I don't mean to complain but.......well, see the above blog detailing my various litany of complaints!