How Schools Scare Parents

I don't know if you're like me, but there's something about seeing your child's school on the caller ID or a letter that instantly transports me back to high school. It's like I'm the one who's been called into the teacher's room or the principal's office and that nervous little feeling in the pit of your stomach that was your frequent companion for those four years returns. This happened last weekend. On a Saturday of all days.

Since our mail gets delivered between mid afternoon and whenever the mailman decides he wants to drop it off, it was after 4 by the time I checked the mail. And sitting right there on top was a letter from my oldest son's high school. My first thought was, "Crap! He's the good one!" Unfortunately, my psychic powers have been on the fritz since, oh, forever and staring holes into the envelope wasn't working either. So I decided to just rip that band aid off and open it. Only to be pleasantly surprised.

My son has apparently been eating lunch in the library with a girl who has to be segregated from possible cafeteria contaminants that could affect her very serious food allergies. She otherwise eats by herself. A teacher noticed this and it was brought to the attention of the assistant principal who in turn sent this very nice letter. Of course, I didn't cry (more than a few minutes) upon reading this very lovely letter.

What a great ego boost for parents though, don't you think? This kid is the first born, the practice kid if you will. This is the one who got ALL my insane paranoia and fears of causing emotional damage and a completely baby proofed life. And he still managed to turn out normal. Well who knew I had it in me? I feel like I should give a speech or something. "I'd like to thank the academy for well, nothing. A big shout out to God (Because he's in all the important acceptance speeches.) and my parents (They are too). Big thanks to all the news stories that made me afraid to let my kid sleep on his side, made me question red dyes of every kind, and made me cut all his food into micro sized bites until he was 12. Without you I wouldn't have been the paranoid Mom who somehow did something right and got this amazingly thoughtful, funny, caring kid."

Now we've had calls over the years that have led to parental disappointment, followed by theatrical childish tears (mine and theirs), and perhaps a punishment of some sort. It seems like all you ever get is the bad news. No one ever calls me to tell me that my kids are excellent students or that they got to school on time for an entire year or to thank for me for encouraging good study habits. Instead I get calls telling me about my children's tendency to talk too much or that they were being bullied but it's being handled (and my kid never uttered a single word) or that they need money for their lunch accounts. Where's the recognition people? Don't I deserve an award for raising them to their current age without killing, maiming, or disfiguring them? (Especially considering how slippery those suckers are as babies!) Maybe if schools were as quick to pat on the back as they are to point fingers, we parents could feel like we might be doing something right.

Of course, since I have multiple children, every time I feel like I'm doing something right, another one will make me feel like an epic failure. So enjoy those small accomplishments parents, because you're just one school bus fight away from a parent teacher conference.