Sew What? Sew There! Sew Buttons on Your Underwear!

I hate sewing. No, I don't think that's strong enough of a word. I loathe sewing. I abhor it even. Plus, I suck at it so, there you go. Because of this, any sewing projects immediately get bumped down the bottom of the to do list. I would even put "Scrub month old toilet funk with a toothbrush" above sewing. Buttons, no problem! Sewing in a straight line? Um, only if I have to.

I have literally had a hole in the underarm of my pajama shirt for like 4 years now. It hasn't gotten bigger, it's not exposing any indelicate areas (Unless the arm pit has suddenly become an X rated body part without me knowing.) and by the time I'm in my pajama shirt, I've probably lost all motivation for real work. Yet, every single time I put this shirt on I think, "Oh yeah, I should sew that hole someday."

Well someday was today when a cami of mine also needed sewing. Craaaap! That makes 2 things on the "To Sew" list. Under universal law, now everything is going to develop small holes and tears until I have a mountain of articles that need mending. I had visions of clothes flying off my children left and right and me being buried under a mountain of discarded, unraveling clothing.

So I heave a huge sigh and head for the sewing box. It sounds real fancy saying I have a sewing box but please don't get the wrong idea. My sewing box consists of an old Pampers wipes container with a pin cushion, some fabric squares, and 2 spools of thread. (Because anything can be mended with either white or black thread, right? Right!) And a seam ripper. (Yes, I realize that it's completely ironic for someone with my caliber of sewing skills to have barely the basics and then add one really high falutin', you-must-know-what-you're-doing tool of thread destruction. But it's really fun to use!)

The hole in the pajama shirt is a piece of cake. Because it's not in a visible place, and hello?!?! Pajama shirt! I don't have to pretend I have sewing skills. I can just close the hole up, tie off, and go to the next problem. The next problem being the giant squid cami. It seems no matter which way I'm trying to hold this closed so that I can sew it, it grows tentacles to tangle me in. Ugh. Why do they make these cami straps so darn unsewable? Now I'm starting to work myself up in a lather about the quality of the clothing in America if this cami, which is only like nine months old, is already starting to fall apart. (This rant is all mental of course. Last time I started outwardly ranting to myself with no one on the other side of the conversation, I got some strange looks.) By the time I'm done, the stupid thing is in one piece again. And as long as you aren't looking that closely at it, it doesn't look too bad.

Long story short: I now feel like Wonder Woman for sewing a shirt that's had a hole for almost longer than the youngest child has been alive. (Hey, progress is progress, right?) Plus, I averted the Universal Crisis of clothes falling off my family willy nilly and having to whip out my super sewing saber to save the day.