Captain Clutter and his Messy Menegerie

We have a small house. It's something like 1,000 square feet. With 5 people and an 85 pound black lab squashed in together. So space is at a premium. Uncluttered space is like precious gold. Since I have a deep need for organization, the lack thereof drives me crazy. It seriously turns me into the Clutter Nazi. At any point I'm barking orders to my kids, "You, pick up that backpack. You, get your toys off the table. And for goodness sake will someone please take care of the shoes in the middle of the floor before someone trips?"

I actually worry that I'm traumatizing my kids with my "use it or lose it because I'll get rid of it so it's not taking up space in my house" stance that they swing to the opposite side of the spectrum. Years from now, one of them will be on that show Hoarders and when they're doing the back story it'll sound something like: "Well, when I was a kid, Mama done get rid of everything that was clutterin' up her house. (My kid developed a Southern yokel accent for this somehow.) So when I moved out, I got to keep all my stuff. So I kept on keeping until I just done filled up my house." And they'll interview me and I'll be tearfully exclaiming, "I don't know how they got like this! I always kept such a clean house when they were kids!"

And kids are great when you ask them to put their stuff away because they'll grab it and just walk by their bedroom door and chuck the item into their room. That's it. They now have MORE crap to clean up in their room but it's ok because Mom isn't yelling at them to take care of it anymore. Until she walks by their room later and sees the teen aged tornado that hit it. So.... "You need to clean this room. NOW." And you know they're probably wishing they had a less neurotic mother, but they got stuck with you instead so they sigh and start cleaning (A.K.A. shoving stuff in places Mom won't see unless she comes into the room).

Sadly, I seem to be my own worst enemy in the clutter wars. Did you know if you set something somewhere for a week (or 12), you actually begin to think that's where its home is? Until one day you're looking at your house and see 25 different things that never got put away and you just snap. Colonel Clutteraway comes out and starts marching around, putting everything back in their normal places. And it's usually something innocent. For instance: See flashlight on kitchen counter. Put it back in the garage. On the way back, see nail clippers on dresser. Bring them back to bathroom, on the way grabbing daughter's sweatshirt on the couch. Put sweatshirt in daughter's room, grab game case. Put game case back on shelf. See movie case mixed in with games, return to movie closet etc. Until an hour and a half later, you've run 36 laps around your house and feel like you've completed the Boston marathon. But there's a sense of pride now because you have finally PUT EVERYTHING AWAY. Which lasts for about 3 days, until you look for the nail clippers on your dresser, and remember that you have to trek ALL THE WAY to the bathroom because you put them back.