Refreshing My Knowledge Of Greek Mythology

The other day my oldest son had a friend over. (His "bestie". I'm not sure teenage boys use this term as much as teenage girls but you get the picture.) He had a birthday the day before. Because it was a January birthday, I wondered if that made him a year older than my son. So I asked him how old he was now. "I'm sixteen. I'll be driving soon!" I jokingly commented, "That's a scary thought.". Then I truly had a scary thought. MY son will be sixteen this year.

Now I do't know how much you remember about Greek mythology. There were 3 goddesses of Fate. Clotho, who spins the thread, Lachesis who measures the length of the thread, and Atropos, who cuts the thread. These ladies were so feared (they were the bad asses of their day) that not even the rest of the Greek gods would mess with them. I don't know what I did to piss these chicks off. Maybe I kicked a puppy in my past life? I'm trying to figure out what I did to deserve a pubescent teenage girl AND a brand new driver in the same year.

Now, maybe these ladies, being THOUSANDS of years old, just get bored. I mean, if I had lived that long, I'm pretty sure seeing and doing it all would leave me pretty burned out. They probably didn't even get that excited about the iPad being invented. Mostly because of that whole, "I'm omnipotent" thing. They probably can't even play angry birds on their smart phones. I'm not sure their reception would be that great on Mount Olympus. So maybe they get their kicks throwing a little adversity at us mere mortals.

Clotho: "OMG Lachesis, look at this new human. She totally looks like she would be fun. What should we do? Give her a foot fungus? Or maybe a birth defect?

Atropos: "I could make her die in a fiery car crash on her wedding day."

Clotho: "Ugh. Atropos, why are you so morbid? I swear you are totally adopted."

Atropos: "Hello? Whole Fate who cuts the thread thing?"

Clotho: "Whatevs. Lachesis, what do you think?

Lachesis: "Let's give her a boy child, then a girl child and make them three years apart. Then when the boy child starts driving, the girl child will be hitting puberty. She'll be pulling her hair out inside of 6 months."

Clotho: "Oooh, Lachesis, you're so evil. I love it!"

There's probably a giant family room in Mount Olympus with a 60 inch flat screen. When the gods get bored they turn on THTN (The Human Television Network) and watch all the people screw up their lives. They'll bring a big bowl of popcorn and just laugh at our antics of trying to get a 3 year old to use the potty or going on first dates that end in disaster. Ares (god of war) will always get ticked off at the amount of weddings before troop deployment because it's taking the focus off the bloodshed and Aphrodite (goddess of love) would tell him he has no romance in his soul. (Now that I think about it, how fun would it be to have a show that depicts these mythological creatures in a modern setting?)

So the next time you say that fate's a bitch, well you're partially right. She's three of them. And if you make them mad, they'll send Atropos after you.