Hanging Out With My Good Pal Google

Have you ever been bored and needed something to do? I was trying to think of an interesting and witty blog for the day but instead spent some quality time with my friend Google. I found a slideshow on the "50 Stupidest Inventions".
Some of them are quite mundane and I'm not sure how they even qualify for a dumb inventions list. (A Steve Jobs pillow?) They should have gone on the "Money Thrown Away on Products That Most People Wouldn't Even Buy as a Gag Gift" list. But I did pick out a few of my favorites.

The first is Twitter toilet paper. (Shitter!) Apparently you can turn your twitter feed into the crap that it really is by wiping your ass on it and flushing it away. Perfect for the people who have money to burn and don't care what they spend it on.

Toilet paper that you can read? Now I know what my life has been missing.

"The Ex"

This is a knife holder shaped like a person. Take your frustrations of last year's bad romance out by storing a knife in the heart of a plastic person. Almost as good as stabbing the real thing. 

"The Face Butt Towel"

A two toned towel with the white side spelling "FACE" and the brown side spelling "BUTT". This would be a great towel for a bachelor who only does laundry every few weeks or for that moron in your life who's always wiping their face on their ass.

"The Pizza Fork"

It's a fork! No, it's a mini-pizza cutter! No, it's both! Now you can have your (pizza) pie and eat it too!

"The Royal Commemorative Refrigerator"

Yes, now you can have your very own Prince William and Princess Kate commemorative refrigerator. (Valid only in the UK) You can see the lovely royal couple every single time you get a drink or a snack! I'm thinking  they should give these away as Biggest Loser prizes....complete with the before picture on the fridge. If that wouldn't be an appetite deterrent, I don't know what would.

"The Toilet Mug"

Face it, you always were jealous that Fido gets to drink from the porcelain fountain and you can't. Until now! Drink coffee, milk, water, and other fine beverage in our fantastic Toilet Mug and make Fido jealous for once!

"The Toilet Monster" (What's with all the toilet themed inventions?)

For parents who think potty training isn't bad enough you can now traumatize your toddler with a green creature that hangs off the toilet seat. Just open the toilet lid and voila! Instant 10 years of therapy.

"The Beer Pager" and "The Beer Belt"

A beer cozy with an attached GPS function for those Alzheimer Alcoholics who set their beer down and can't remember where. Works so long as you don't lose the remote. Purchase the beer tool belt and you won't have that problem because it keeps 6 cans getting piss warm in a belt worn around your waist.

"The Bearded Beanie"

Head cold? Beard freshly shaven? Solve 2 problems in one by getting this innovative product which combines a hat and a crocheted beard that doubles as a chin cover. (Complete with space for lips to make it more realistic!)

"The Candwich"

Canned Sandwich. Words cannot even begin to describe my feelings on this. Dry heaves can though.

And finally, something my husband would appreciate: "Bacon Floss"

Because sometimes you want that smokey bacon taste and aren't in the mood to actually cook any. Satisfy your pork craving and, as a bonus, we'll throw in some freshly flossed teeth.

All the bacon taste without the guilt!

Quick side note: Bacon is apparently the fatty meat du jour since it made quite a few appearances on the list in the form of bacon soap, an adult bacon and eggs for two costume, Uncle Oinker's savory bacon mints, and bacon (pronounced bay-cone) perfume.

Other honorable mentions: 

Handerpants- Underpants for your hands!

Cat Duster Slippers- Because your cat doesn't hate you enough already!

Umbrella Rain Tube (AKA Umbrella with plastic wrap that surrounds you)- Because you don't look dorky enough yet!

To check out the list in it's moronic, yet funny, entirety:

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/world-stupidest-inventions-gallery-1.26294

After reading about the world's most idiotic inventions, I'm actually motivated to try and invent something even dumber. I think I can do better, er, uh, worse than a dust mop for your cat's feet. But it'll have to wait a minute, I have to go catch up on my twitter feed....