1-800-What-Did-You-Say?

So the internet thing was really starting to drive me crazy. Since I'm already bat shit crazy, I figured I probably couldn't afford to lose any more of my precious sanity. Hubby and I decided it was time to call our service provider to help us figure things out.

The funny thing about customer service is 99% of the time they ship you to some hut in India. Some guy with more sounds than letters in his name will come on the line and say: (Now, for visualization purposes, imagine the guy speaking sounds like the guy that runs the Qwik E Mart on the Simpsons.) "Hello, my name is Bob, how can I help you today?" What I really want to say to him is: "Yes, BOB, can you connect me to someone who speaks American English please? Someone who doesn't speak with an accent from some middle eastern country that I probably cannot spell, let alone find on a map. And could you do it NOW and not after I've tried to explain what I need three dozen times? Thanks, you're a peach."

Hello, my name is Bob.

But I don't say that. Instead, I go through my problem three dozen times, getting increasingly frustrated that this guy who probably has never even heard of internet, modems, or Company X is just running through the script given to him. And yes, it's a script. If I'm trying six different ways to explain what I mean to you, and you give me the same answer, verbatim, six times, you really can't help me.

And another thing. I shouldn't have to press 2 for English. That should be a given. I should have to press 2 if I'm willing to deal with Habib's butchered English. Do you know how much happier a society we could be if we didn't have telephone frustration? If I could call about whatever service issue I'm having and speak to a Texan? Or a New Yorker? We'd probably be happier with our spouses, then they'd go to work and be happier with their co-workers, work place productivity would increase, their bosses would notice and give them a raise and then you and your entire family would be happier. See how much unhappiness could be avoided just by letting us talk to Americans?

It isn't just limited to services now either. Insurance companies, big businesses, you name it. They're all shipping your asses overseas for your customer service needs. Are we giving these jobs to these guys because they work for 3 fish and a bag of wheat? What's the deal?

In summation, if you know I'm about to do telephone battle with any company, you might want to give me a wide berth. I'm pretty sure I'll have a case of phone rage when I'm done, and that could lead to someone getting a punch in the forehead.